Here’s me thinking out loud:
“I’ve had enough of this place. Here I am at home, again with the boys all weekend and it’s raining…again. Why does it have to rain when I’m at home with the boys. I can’t do anything with them when it’s raining. It was 32 degrees yesterday, how can it be 16 degrees today. It’s ridiculous.
I’ve had enough of these kids saying ‘mum’ all the time and whingeing and moaning and fighting. I just want to spend some time doing some work. I’ve got so much work to do and I never get any time to do it. I’m always doing something for everyone else except me. Then I have to stay up until midnight to get something done, get hardly any sleep and then wake up cranky all over again.
Stop interrupting me. I’m tired. I’m bored. Stop jumping on me. Stop yelling. Just…….argh!! I’m just so frustrated, just leave me alone and blah blah blah, on and on it goes.
This is the type of conversation that usually ends in me having an angry outburst or feeling completely helpless, but not today! It’s time to put the brakes on.
You see recognising this pointless conversation is the start of changing how you are feeling whenever you are feeling angry, bored or consumed by something.
You will notice that this whole conversation was in complete conflict with reality. The reality is that I am home with the kids, it is raining and they are saying ‘mum’, fighting, whingeing and yelling and I can’t do anything about that.
What I can change though, is the conversation going on in my mind, and I start to do this by deliberately looking at and accepting the current situation. It is what it is, so what I need to put my attention on instead, is what I’m going to do about that situation and how I’m going to change that incessant chatter going on in my head so that I can change how I feel right now.
So the first thing I’m going to do is put some music upbeat, happy energy music on and sing at the top of my voice (btw it changes the kids’ mood too). Here is my choice of song. I love this song because it is so uplifting so I thought I would share it with you to, to brighten up your day too. Make sure you turn your volume up nice and loud
The second thing I’m going to do is do something with the boys. We have decided that we are going to make cornflake biscuits and then play some games, so that should keep us occupied for a bit, and while we are doing that I am going to take the opportunity to speak to them about setting some rules about fighting.
Since I’m going to be giving them a few hours of my undivided attention, that should keep them happy for a little bit and then I can spend a little bit of time on myself, doing some work on my computer.
By then it will be the dinner, bath, bed routine and on the couch for the the Sex in the city 2 movie with my sister-in-law.
Looking at the situation in a different light and shifting where I put my attention to being more solution-focussed, changes the way I feel about things, because there is no point in letting myself get bogged down by what’s NOT happening. It will only lead to that cycle of self-pity, frustration, anger, followed by guilt and feeling like a lousy mum.
So, now that I’ve finished sharing this with you, I am being nagged to make those biscuits and play with them, so I hope that you have found this useful.
To find out the exact 5 step process I use to handle the frustrations and challenges that come with being a mum and changing how you feel about them, check out The Happy Mum Handbook.