Okay, so today’s blog is going to make me look like I’m hearing voices and going crazy, but I wanted to share with you the type of conversations that go on in my mind these days.
Those of you that follow my blogs may sometimes wonder, with all the advice I give, “Does she really think like this all the time?” Well the answer is: No, I don’t! At least not straight away. What happens though is that I use the very tools that I teach you in The Happy Mum Handbook
to change my own state of mind and realign it with the reality of the situation.
What seems to happen is that my habitual ‘looking at the glass half empty’ thinking automatically kicks in and it doesn’t usually take very long for me to become aware of it (a big alarm bell is me being cranky, down, sad or sorry for myself). I start to notice what thoughts are causing me to feel this way and begin to correct them.
Following is an example of what was just going through my head, as I went through my usual Friday ritual of cleaning the house amongst the fighting and ‘mess it up behind me’ kids.
So here’s what I was saying to myself:
“I just want to move to QLD . I’m never going to get to move to QLD if I don’t start bringing some more money in and quick. What if I have to send Cody to school here for a few weeks and then move him to QLD. That’s not fair on him. What do I do? Where am I going to get this money from? Look at how dirty this floor is and all this clutter everywhere. I’ve had enough of this house. It’s too small. I just want a bigger house. I’ve had enough of living like this.
[Kids enter the room while I’m already frustrated by this conversation going on in my head]
Ryan: “Mum, Cody poked me in the eye.”
Me: “Cody why did you poke Ryan in the eye”.
Cody: “Well he hit me first.”
Me: “Guys, can you just stop fighting? I’ve had enough. Just go outside and play and stop whingeing to me. Get off my floor. I’ve told you a million times not to walk on that floor and now look. There’s footprints everywhere! Geez, you kids are not listening lately. Now go and play or we won’t be going to the park when I’ve finished
[Exit kids – back to thinking]
“I’ve had enough of these kids. I wish were living on land where they had something to do and explore. It’s too dangerous out the front near the main road. I’m so tired. Things aren’t going the way I want them to. I’ve done the hard work. When’s it going to be my turn to enjoy my life?”
That was Whingey Me (from here on in, will be referred to as WM)
And in comes the voice of reason (who will now be referred to as VOR), “Hang on, this kind of thinking is exactly what you are helping mums to change. Is it helping you to think like this right now? How can you think about this situation in another way?
For example – in regards to the money situation, there’s nothing you can really do about that at the moment. Just the other day, you wrote on Facebook that everything rises and passes away. What about this moment. Won’t it too rise and pass away?
WM replies: “Well, yes I guess so.”
VOR: “Is there anything you can do about the money situation right now?”
WM: “Well, no”.
VOR: “Well how can you look at this situation in another way? You always write to mums to try and find the hidden good in the bad, so why don’t you try to do that right now?”
WM: “Okay, well…….I can see that right now I have done a lot of housework and only have one room left. The kids are currently playing well and leaving me to finish it off. Then we are going to go to the park and come home to a clean house. At least I have a house. I have food in the fridge. I have a beautiful family. Some people would love to have what I have. Maybe I should concentrate more on the good stuff I have rather than everything that I’m missing out on.”
VOR: “What about Cody having to change schools so quickly. How can you look at that another way?
WM: Well, I guess that he is getting the experiences that he is meant to be getting and he will get some learning from it too. There’s nothing I can really do about it. If it works out that way, he’ll be okay. If I change my attitude on it, he will more likely change his attitude too. Obviously if that scenario plays out that he has to start school down here, then he will come across people who will all add learning for his development and that’s great too.”
VOR: “Great. Now you are on a roll, now finally about the money. What are you going to do about that?”
WM: “Well, right now, there is not much I can do. I am doing everything I can and I can only wait until this money phase of my life passes away and a new phase is born. I’m certainly doing everything that I can to change it and am working hard, as is Steve, so all we can do is keep searching for the opportunities to change our current circumstances and continue to keep searching for what we currently have and be happy with that, rather than feeling sorry for myself and putting all my attention on my ‘lacking life’. “
VOR: “Excellent. So tell me, how do you feel now?”
WM: “Much better. I guess there is no point in dwelling on what I don’t have. It’s not going to make it appear any quicker when I do, so what’s the point? It only makes me feel crappy, not enjoy the kids and pushes me further from the goal as my attention isn’t on what the solution is.
So I just need to focus more on what I am getting instead and remember that everything has a life span where it does come and go and know that this current situation isn’t forever – then I will feel much better …..not to mention be a better mum than the barking, sulky mum I have been this morning. Thanks voice of reason.”
[End of conversation]
It is normal for me to go through this whole to and fro type of conversation where I become aware of what I’m saying to myself that causes me to feel stressed or down, then going through different ways of changing my viewpoint.
I hope you have found this dialogue useful and helpful to remember that change comes with practice and continual application of the tools that I teach. You will never get life right (or parenting for that matter), because we are always learning, growing and evolving as human beings. I, too am learning everyday and there is no miracle cure for being 24/7 happy, because happiness is a state of mind and its not one that will always be achieved every minute of the day.
We all have limiting beliefs that stop us from achieving this state of mind, and all that means is that we have more to learn and beliefs to change. But the key to change is in identifying these limiting beliefs and changing them, so keep at it.
For more information on how to change your thinking in the context of being a mum, purchase your copy of The Happy Mum Handbook
Have a great day