Today’s society is not like when you or I were growing up. The “children should be seen and not heard” rule doesn’t really seem to apply in today’s society. Or if it does, it seems to be to the detriment of the connection between the parent and the child.
This is because children are growing up in society that encourages them to speak up, be honest about their feelings, and that it’s okay to have an opinion.
On one hand, we encourage them to be this way, but on the other, if it doesn’t match what we believe is right we can get all riled up at times.
So are we giving our children mixed messages? Do you want them to have an opinion or not?
I think for most of us, we want to raise confident, happy children who feel free to express themselves. We just want them to do it in a respectful way.
The other day, I said to my 8 year old son Ryan:
“Ryan, you are getting to an age where you won’t always agree with me or like what I’m telling you to do. That’s completely fine and I’m open to talking to you about our differences but I won’t be spoken to rudely, nor will I speak to you when you are yelling, throwing yourself on the ground or whingeing about the problem. We need to discuss things calmly.
It doesn’t always mean that you will get your own way, but I will explain why you can’t have your own way and why it’s in your best interests. But on the other hand, you might have an idea that I haven’t thought of and maybe you can get what you want by doing it differently. The point is that we can discuss the problem and focus on a solution, rather than fighting with each other.”
He was pretty happy with that and it set the platform for future discussions, rather than arguments. It makes him feel empowered over his life, rather than feeling like his life is being controlled and dictated.
Think about what you want in your life. Don’t you want to have your opinion heard? Don’t you want to discuss how your life is going to be run? Wouldn’t you want to know why you can’t do something you really want to do?
We need to treat our children as equals because the superior/inferior trends of the olden day parent/child relationship doesn’t suit today’s societal messages.
If you try to stick to the ‘old school’ way, it won’t be a wrong way to parent, so there’s no judgment. But it is possible that your children may not be as close to you as you would like, because they grow up to feel unheard or that their opinion doesn’t matter to you.
It is for you to decide though, how you wish to handle your child’s relationship. I’m just here to present some ideas for contemplation.
Open the communication channels…
Jackie