Tag Archives for " mindfulness "

Luckily, My Friend Didn’t Get Offended…

A little while ago now a friend of mine made a comment about a mother who would often be quite vocal at school carnivals, hollering out to her children and yelling out encouragements in a more-than-usual emphatic way.

My friend voiced her concern that the children would be very embarrassed by their mum and she felt bad for them.

I questioned myself, as to whether I should say anything to my friend, but decided to anyway, braving potentially getting shunned for my response in lieu of giving some valuable insight into the statement. Thankfully, she’s used to me and didn’t get offended.

My response was that although the children may be embarrassed and possibly even pressured to perform (something we don’t really know though), that child would also get some very valuable lessons in commitment, determination, working hard and getting results from working hard. Attributes that would serve them well in life, as well as feeling supported and encouraged by their mother.

So while (and we’re still assuming here) that child may have experienced something ’embarrassing’ or unwanted because of the mum, there was also some enormous value that came from that child’s experience with that mum – the hidden good in the bad (not that it was really bad).

This is a valuable lesson for all of us when trying to be more than enough for our children. We will be ourselves in the best way we know how, in the place where we are in our personal development (we’re still sifting through and growing from our childhoods to become better people).

Your child will, without a doubt, learn things from you or experience things with you that will cause them or lead them to struggles, challenges and hardships at some other point in their life and their experiences of you will also lead them to some awesome things too (the highs).

Everyone experiences highs and lows. I’ve seen ‘perfect’ families (whatever that is) who still have children that get depressed because they believe that perfection is the right life and don’t know how to deal with challenges.

The reality is you cannot get your child’s life right!  And that’s because it can’t go wrong! Life is just a unique story we all have, full of highs and lows and lessons that come from BOTH ends of the spectrum.

Your job is to contribute to your child’s life and you will do that in the best way you can, with the information you have. You are always teaching your children about life, even when you are behaving in a way that you wish you didn’t.

If you feel you want to improve your parenting skills, do it! This will still lead to your child having experiences that will both serve them and challenge them. But that’s what life’s about. Everything has value!

You are good enough for your child RIGHT NOW!

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

What’s Good About This That You’re Not Seeing?

Find the hidden good in the bad!
Jackie Hall

This is one of my popular catch phrases.

Often we only focus on what we don’t want and what we’ve missed out on (that we believed should have happened), but the reality is, you are here now and this is your reality.

If you keep rolling in that story of what you don’t have, your brain will keep finding evidence of what you don’t have and you’ll keep feeling crappy.

If you’ve done any of my courses, you will have learnt how to start finding what’s good, beneficial or helpful about unwanted situations by asking yourself:

  • What can I be grateful for in this situation?
  • What am I /my child learning from this unwanted event?
  • Where is this unwanted event leading me that is wanted? (all highs lead to lows, all lows lead to highs)
  • What is the opportunity that can be found in this event?
  • What am I getting from this event?

Ask yourself these questions and see if you can come up with the ‘hidden good in the bad’ for yourself.

Get into this practice every time you catch yourself focusing on what you DON’T want or what you’re missing out on.

Shift your focus…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Is This Harder Than It Needs To Be?

The other day I was observing a 2-year-old who stopped at a vending machine with curiosity and watched his mother’s reaction to him.

She spent at least 2-3 minutes trying to coerce him into continuing on, getting more annoyed and starting up on the threats. She didn’t get angry, to her credit, but she was taking quite a bit of time to get him to co-operate, to no avail.

I resonated with this incident from over the years, but found myself wondering (which was easy to from my objective position of observation, rather than being in it), do we really make this harder than it needs to be?

Reality:  The boy was inquisitive and found it amazing that there were buttons to press.

What if the mother had recognised what the boy wanted, walked back to the vending machine and shared his fascination, “It’s so cool isn’t it?” I wonder what would happen if we pressed the button?  [get him to press button].  Uh-oh, nothing happened, but that was fun wasn’t it?  Oh well, let’s keep moving on and see what other fascinating things we can find.”

Would this have moved him along quicker without the fight?  Would it have empowered him and made him feel like his wants/needs were important?

Are we unnecessarily trying to get our way, when acknowledging what our child wants and ‘negotiating’ with them gets us what we want quicker and leaves us with less fights and happier children / parents?

Food for thought…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Want To Slap People Who Say Happiness Is A Choice?

Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There’s going to be stress in life, but it’s your choice whether you let it affect you or not.
Valerie Bertinelli

When you’re having a crappy day and someone says to you (or posts it on Facebook) that happiness is a choice, don’t you just want to slap them (or unfriend them).

Here’s the truth about happiness:

Happiness is an emotion we feel when life’s going to plan.
The reality is life doesn’t always go to plan, so we’re not always going to feel happy!

But what we can feel is at peace with whatever is happening in our lives. Let’s face it, you won’t always like your reality, but you can learn how to accept it and deal with it.

And that’s what is really needed when you’re having those days that makes you want to run away or hide in a corner, not trying to create a facade that this unwanted event makes us happy.

But sometimes we just don’t know how to see life differently and we just need to learn.

So seek out the information that will teach you how to see the bigger picture and not get consumed by the ins and outs of parenting and life in general. Learn how to find peace in this moment…because what we’re really looking for is peace of mind. We all know that happiness won’t always be possible.

Ommmmm…….

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Transform How You Feel With ONE Exercise

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Melody Beattie

I know, we hear it all the time. Be grateful. But how much effort have your really given it?

I once did a two week gratitude program where I had to write 15 things a day that I was grateful for.  I was in a state of depression at the time and couldn’t believe the turnaround in how I felt in such a short time.

It was incredible!

Because my mind kept focusing on what I was getting or what I did have, I kept finding more and more things to write down.

Where your attention goes, your energy flows.

Whatever you put your attention on expands in that direction.

Why not try it for yourself? You will be amazed at the transformation it will have on how you FEEL towards your life and how patient you become about parenting.

Peace is closer than you think.

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

THE MISSION – Stop Mummy management overload & Just BE

Okay, so totally inspired after watching (for the gazillionth time) my favourite self help movie by Wayne Dyer – The Shift – Standard Version DVD“>Ambition to Meaning, I was feeling very enlightened and spiritually moved.  To paint the picture, all was quiet, the kids were in bed, the hubby was on the computer and it was just me in a dark room with the TV, no interruptions and this thought-provoking movie, so it was easy to slip into an awesomely inspired state.

As always these kinds of movies make me contemplate my life (as they are supposed to) and hence, the following facebook comment was posted:

“Mums are always doing, planning, controlling, managing. When are we ever just Be-ing. It’s not because we HAVE to live like this, it is because we THINK we have to live like this. What would happen if we just started to allow things to unfold, observe our life, not react, and accept our lives as they unfold without interference? This is going to be my mission tomorrow. I’ll let you know how I go.”

By saying this I didn’t mean to imply that we should stop being responsible and start neglecting our children, but instead, begin to become aware of just how much we were trying to control the outcome of our lives (and our child’s) and just how much of this causes motherhood stress.  I was interested to know that if I set myself the mission of just allowing my life to unfold without unnecessary interference, and with observation and awareness, just how this would make me feel.

Here’s how it all went down:

Within minutes of making the pledge to just ‘be’ a mum and reduce the unnecessary planning, controlling and ‘managing’ in my life,  I found myself in the shower concocting my plan for how the next day was going to unfold. 

It was going to be raining, so I needed to get the kids ups and ready.
I would allow them to play their DS for an hour while I cleaned up.
Then I would take them to the shop and buy some ingredients for we were going to do some cooking to occupy their time.  (If the truth be told, the agenda was not to have fun with my kids, but to ‘occupy their time’.)
Then that would take us to lunch, where after that, I would clean up and they would play.  I would get them a video and play a game with them.  By then it would be dinner time where we would be getting ready for bed and that would be the end of  my day.

Suddenly my whole next day was mapped out and I had become a walking to do list.  All this within minutes of my pledge!!  Wasn’t I supposed to be going with the flow?  Obviously this was going to be harder than I thought.

Okay, so the next day, I started off really well.  I went with the flow, stopping myself from reacting to the millions of kisses that my five year old gives me up and down my arm as an excuse to smell my skin (yes people this is sweet, but incredibly annoying). Instead I decided to appreciate his affection albeit for a hidden agenda, and gently stop him and give him a big hug instead, which he also loves.

I became aware of how much my kids annoy me when I’m on the computer so that they can have my attention and I started to really look at them when they were speaking.  I mean really see them and I felt filled with love for who they were and for them being my kids.  (I literally felt that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you are looking at a sleeping newborn baby).

So as the morning progressed and I had the kids ready to go to the shops, we were walking out the door when my four year old spotted a snail on the front patio.  He points it out to me and says, ‘Can I touch it?’  Without even thinking, my answer was No.  I hadn’t event considered the question before the response came charging out of my mouth.

‘Why?’ He said.  I thought, ‘Gee I don’t know why Ryan.  Why can’t he touch the snail Jackie [that’s me]? Hmm I don’t really know’, I answered myself, ‘Perhaps because maybe it’s been 5 minutes since you barked an order at him and you felt bored, lol?  I don’t really know why he can’t touch the bloody snail.

So I let him touch the bloody snail.  What is the harm in it? Why did I say no so instantaneously without even thinking?  This is obviously something that I do quite often.

Throughout the weekend I found that time after time I would interfere with arguments that the kids were quite capable of solving themselves.  I made detailed plans for how they would spend their day or how I would fit in this bit of housework or that bit of housework while they were doing something, so that I wasn’t interrupted.  I regularly stopped myself from finishing their sentences to hurry them up and continually had to bring my awareness back to the present moment and engage in what was happening now, reeling my attention back from being consumed with my intricate plans for my future.

Purely by holding the intention of becoming aware, not attaching to outcome and allowing as much of my life to unfold naturally as possible, I learnt just how much of my life (and my experience as a mum) was spent not appreciating the time with my kids and getting caught up with what I had to do next.  Furthermore, I also realised just how much expectation I give to life unfolding the way I want it to and can easily see why I have to stop my thoughts from barreling down the path towards anger.

Now all I needed to do, in order to stop the battle of anger of stress, was to scale back, chill out, stop the unnecessary planning that I keep doing and stay aware of what is going on right now.  Otherwise, I’m going to end up missing out on enjoying a lot of my life!

It was a pretty insightful exercise to do and one that will change how I go about my day to day activities….

I would be interested to hear from anyone who has tried something similar or who is willing to trial this on themselves.

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again