All Posts by Jackie Hall - Admin

I thought I escaped the tantrum stage

bullyingIt has begun. My son has entered the terrible 3’s, even though he’s nearly four!!

He has become angry, rude and argumentative.  If I say black, he will say white.  Grrrr.  I’m having to bring in every tool I have to keep my patience and sanity in check.  Believe me, I am one self-help writer who definately practices what she preaches, although admittedly things still get the better of me sometimes, but that’s okay, cause I’m still human.

Anyway, I went to the shops with Ryan over the weekend, you know, to get some one on one time with him.  He was pretty good most of the way until he spotted some jelly beans that he wanted.  I didn’t buy anything in that shop so we decided that he would be able to get a chocolate from the chocolate shop instead and he picked out a beautiful shiny packaged chocolate frog.

I casually mentioned that we were getting take away as soon as we left and he could eat his chocolate after dinner.  NO! was his response.  I WANT IT NOW!!!

Oh no, here we go again.  I told him that he couldn’t have it now he could have it after dinner and if he couldn’t agree to this deal, then he couldn’t have it at all.  He said, “No!  I’m having it now” and started to unwrap the paper.  I told thim that he now couldn’t have it at all and proceeded to take it off him. This ended in us almost wrestling on the floor of the shop as I tried to pry it from his fingers and he got lower and lower to the ground to keep it away from me.  He ended up smacking his head on the ground (which really didn’t help the matter) and started screaming at me and getting really angry.  I finally got it off him (stilll in tact) and gave it back to the lady.

crazed mum pic for pampheltI walked off with Ryan grabbing my arms, legs, clothes and having to continually untangle myself from him and continuing to walk away.  He was screaming his head off and I could feel everyone watching me.  My mind was going in and out of being consumed by the moment and detached by it, knowing that this is normal young child behaviour and I wasn’t giving in.  I was determined that this was going to be a teachable moment for him.

Anyway, we got to my car, after him repeatedly hitting me and attempting to bite me (nearly lost it at that one, but just firmly said “don’t you dare bite me” with one of those don’t mess with me glares).  However he would not let me strap him in, he was kicking, screaming and kickiing the DVD player in front of him.  I was literally pinning him down to strap  him in and I just couldn’t do it.  so I got in the car and drove out of the carpark around the corner, stopped the car and said, “Right, get out of my car”.  He screamed Nooooo, of course and I said, “well let me strap you in then”.  I re-attempted to strap him in to no avail, so I literally took him out of the car and put him on the side of the road and told him to walk home.  At this point he was terrified that I’d leave him there (don’t like that he felt that way, but didn’t know what else to do?) and he finally let me strap him in.

When we got home I put him in his room (for a lot longer than the required 3 minutes) and let the adrenalin in my own body settle down and his too, before I went back in and chatted to him very softly.  The whole incident ended with a cuddle and an apology from him and …..hopefully a lesson learnt.

Phew, what a hair-raising event for both of us.  But I’m sure it’s just a taste of what’s to come unfortunately.  I just have to keep remiinding myself that his behaviour is not about me and all about his learning behaviour and his development.  If people are looking at me, so what? I can’t control how they think and feel and all I need to do is concentrate on staying calm and detached from his behaviour – that’s enough to think about without having worry about the judgements of others.  Easy said than done thought, but I’m generally happy with how I handled it, although there is definately room for improvement.

Let me know if you’ve had a similar incident happen and what did you do?

Cheers
Jackie

 

 

 

 

 

 

I couldn’t be bothered doing this today

Have you ever had days where you just don’t feel like doing the things that you have to do as a mum?

Happy Mum 32Here I am today, sitting in my already tidy (but not entirely clean) house in complete denial with the reality that I have to do certain motherly duties like answer 3 billion questions, get up and tend to hunger requests, play games with my children or just do some housework coz it seems to be the only way that they leave me alone.

No, today I dont want to do any of it. There is no real reason why I don’t want to do it.  They aren’t misbehaving.  They aren’t having tantrums or being difficult.  They are just being children and it is my job right now to tend to their needs as their mum…….only I don’t want to 🙁

In my role as a coach I consistently teach mums that the cause of all stress is the conflict between belief and reality.  We have conversations in our minds (beliefs) that is in conflict with the reality that is playing out in front of them.

Well right now I am in conflict with the reality that is in front of me, that I am a mum responsible for a 4 & 5yr old – solving fights, occupying my children (because they are so bored that it’s the only way I can stay sane), make them snacks and look after them instead of doing some adult fun things like having a long afternoon out with my girlfriends or seeing a movie, or just having the liberty to just do whatever takes my fancy.

I am observing the conversations in my mind saying that I want to be doing these things instead of listening to the whingeing and fighting of my children and I am fighting with the logic that if I just sit down and play a game with them it would completely change their behaviour, yet my mind is saying that I don’t want to do this either.  I am also feeling and observing how my anger levels are rising and trying to explode out of me tempting me to take this anger out on my kids everytime the interrupt me or ask me to get up and do something.

However, I’m not going to let that happen. Because what I need to do is accept the reality that this is the job that I have right now, that there are other times that I can pursue my personal interests and right now, in this moment, I have to accept the realty of being a mum and think about it another way, because replaying the conversation in my mind that I don’t want to do this right now, only serves to make it more stressful.

So off I go, back to my reality, and off to play some snap with my beautiful little kiddlies instead of turning into the cranky red eyed monster mum that I will undoubtedly turn into if I continue to play these pointless conversations in my mind.

Happy Easter Everyone

Love
Jackie

 

 

 

 

Yeehah, the Why stage is over….but sadly, its been replaced

depression womanThe dreaded ‘why’ stage.  I knew it was coming so I wasn’t surprised when it did.  “Why does daddy have to go to work”, “why do I have to brush my teeth”, “why isn’t nanna and poppy sleeping over”,  “why can’t I have chocolate” (at 6am in the morning mind you). Why, why, why, why, why?

I desparately clung onto the promise I made myself NOT to say “coz why is a crooked letter”, or worse still, “because I said so, that’s why”.  Okay, so maybe a few times that has slipped out.  Yet again my impatience got the better of me and, well, okay, I’ll admit it.  It was more than a few times that those easy answers came out so I could avoid the energy it took to give the thorough explanation these questions required and you know what?  He just asked more why questions.

I learnt very quickly not to try and get one over my 4 year old as he was much cleverer and way more inquisitive than I give him credit for, and was never going to let me take the easy way out.

Anyway, just as I was getting used to the dreaded why stage and convinced myself of the incredible value that all my thorough explanations were giving to my son’s intellect, this stage was quickly replaced by the next one.  But see, nobody told me about this stage.  I didn’t see it coming, and it was worse, way worse than the why stage.

It was the “What does this say” stage.  OOOOOOH my goodness.  There is absolutely no way I can get out of answering these questions, can I?  I mean my son (well both of them actually) are mad keen on letters, numbers, and whatever is written on every (and I mean every) building, car, newspaper, magazine, book, tv ad, you name it, they want to know what it says.

How could I possibly give them some lame-ass response and not read every word that they point out when this was clearly a good thing that they were so interested in this. Reading is soo important and especially with boys, interest in reading is a huge bonus.  How could I squash this enthusiasm with a ‘nothing’ response or a ‘don’t worry about it’ response?

The answer is a sad “I can’t”.  I just can’t bring myself to do it.  I guess I’ll just have to be selfless on this one.  So if you see some random woman walking around Lilydale with two kids in toe painfully reading every sign visible, that’s just me, silently praying to myself that this stage soon passes, or they hurry up and start reading for themselves.

Hmm, mental note, maybe if I accelerate their learning to read process by teaching them to read as often as I can, then this stage will pass quicker.  That sounds like a plan……..but a lot of hard work, again.

 

I feel great!

I was just reflecting over the past 2 years of my life and how far I have come since those angry, sad days where I had had enough of being a mum and just wanted to run away from it all.  I still vividly remember the day where I lost the plot, bawling in my bedroom at my lowest when it suddenly dawned on me that no one was going to change this for me, that only I could make the changes that I needed to make in order to live a happier life.  From the darkest, saddest, most heartbreaking period of my life, came the biggest lightbulb moment I have ever had and it has all been uphill from there.

Be the Change Webinar Series It was as if an angel was talking to me that day and spurred inside of me inspiration and a burning desire beyond comprehension (it drives my husband crazy sometimes).  From this moment of inspiration, came 12 months of writing, creating this website, then selling everything and travelling around australia with my family, to finding the Australian Depression Institute and learning their fantastic new method that not only can I use to help others, but to help myself and really understand my true worth and why I am valuable in this world when the going is tough and when the going is great.

The events that have transpired into my life since that day in my bedroom with tears streaming down my cheeks have been truly inspiring to me.

So thinking about these events today has caused me to feel a tremendous amount of joy for my life.  I finally feel as if I am at a point in my life where I have the tools that I need to handle all the ups and downs that life presents to me and that these tools give me the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. But just as importantly, these tools are helping me to help others to do the same, and that is the most gratifying and soul enriching part of why I feel happy.

Because of this, I really wanted to share with you what I believe is the perfect combination to living an inspired and happy life.  So in summary, here they are:

1.  Love yourself.  You are worthy just the way that you are, because you exist.  You contribute to the world just by being in it.  If you took you out of the equation all of the dynamics around you change and people don’t learn what they learn from you.  We all have ups and downs and you are worthy throughout all of your experiences because you are learning about life and teaching others about their life, thus your value to this world and proof of your worthiness, lies in your very existence.

2.  Give, give, give.  Make it a part of your day, everyday to give something to someone or give them a part of yourself.  This can be as simple as a smile, a compliment, a little thank you note, a present or something bigger.  It doesn’t take much, but you will be amazed at how good you feel for making a difference to someone else’s life.  That’s another reason why I love my job so much, because I get to make a difference.

3.  Gratitude. Learn to find the value in all of your experiences, because there always is.  No matter how difficult the circumstances there is always something to be grateful for, or something that you have learnt or are learning from that situation. Try listing all of the things that you are grateful for and observe how differently you feel after writing this list.

4. Forgiveness.  Let go of all the hatred or resentment you have towards other people.  They don’t know how to behave any differently for they are only operating out of their belief system, just like you are. Besides, you can’t change what someone else does, you can only change what happens within you.  Let go of the past and accept that how you are living is the reality now, regardless of how you got to that point.  If you follow point 3, then it may make it a little easier to do step 4.  Forgiveness is not about saying that someone’s behaviour is okay, it’s about releasing you from the ugliness you feel when you hold onto anger, hatred and resentment.

This is it for now, I have more to offer you but must get back to my beautiful children who are gracing me with half an hour to myself to write these words to you.  Thanks kids.

Bye for now and take care of yourself, you are soo precious to so many around you!!!!

 

 

 

We are all the same – Fight Hate with your love

My husband and I were having a conversation tonight about the news and the increasing amount of violence that is happening in the world, which has always been the case, and is increasingly becoming the case in Australia.  He was saying how over suburbia he is and how he just wanted to go out into the country where it was simple and peaceful and away from all of this drama and hatred.

Successful Relationships picWhile I totally agree with him that I would like to live in the country, there is a strong part of me that doesn’t want to turn my back on where the world is upto either.  More and more as I enter into this field of personal development, I am inspired and driven beyond anything I have ever done, to do my bit to help humanity change the way we look at each other.

I have recently moved from Melbourne from QLD and I can’t help but notice how different it is from where I’ve come from.  People down here are so money driven and social butterflies, always looking for the next activity to provide some stimulation (or distraction).  There is a work hard to earn money attitude and then maybe we can go on a holiday and kick back for a couple of week in a year, if we can afford it.  There seems to be a competition for who earns the most money, wears the best fashion, looks the best, is the smartest, or anything that any majority of a group deems as a standard.

But let’s strip all that back.  Take away the stimulation, the money, the clothes and let’s all stand side by side, naked without our possessions or our distractions and take a real good look at one another.  Who are you that is my friend?  What are your dreams, your goals, your desires?  What are you inner most thoughts and feelings about yourself and this life you are living?    Tell me who you are without all these..things and let me really love you for who you are, not this mask you present to me that covers up who you really are.

I don’t want to love you because of how much you earn, or who your husband is.  I don’t want to love what country you’ve come from or for the many labels that you put on yourself and present to the world.  I want to connect with the real you, the one who loves and laughs and cries and hurts, just like me. I want to see you as you really are, a human being with emotions, fears, hopes and dreams, just like anybody else.

You see, there is a very strong part of me that sees this disconnection from other people in various forms, like judgementalism, victimisation, bullying, violence, deliberate pushing each other down so you can look better, and there’s a part of me that is so saddened by all this, and part of me that is inspired to get out there and start talking to people.  Start “BE{ing} the Change that I wish to see in the world” (Ghandi), start teaching people how to love each other for who they are and look past the masks that they are being shown.

I want to help people strip away the pretentiousness of their lives and feel, really feel what life can offer you.  I want to teach people to let go of hate, blame, and anger towards others and see how conflict is just a difference in beliefs and that there is no right and wrong way to live.  We are all the same, it is just our beliefs that we feel defines us and allows us to separate ourselves from one another.  But when you take a step back from these labels and beliefs that we define ourselves with, take off our expensive or ratty clothes, take off our makeup, take away our beautiful house or cardboard box that we live in, and stand side by side, we are no different from the person next to us.  Get to know him or her, like really get to know them and you will find that they have the same emotions and needs.

15783803Touch, love, acceptance, belonging, affection, appreciation, respect, learning, experiencing, teaching and connectedness.  Strip away the facade and this is ultimately what all of us are seeking.  You, your husband, your children, your friends, your neighbours, your teachers, strangers in the street, the Aussies, the Chinese, The Iraqi, the Middle Eastern, Africans, Americans, everybody.  Separate the human from the behaviour and start to see what they are trying to achieve.  It is all in the name of one of these that we are all seeking.

If we all stopped hating the behaviour that we see and starting loving the human being behind that behaviour that is just trying to get one or more of these things, then we can teach them, through our love how to redirect their efforts to obtain these things.  Sending out more hate when we see hate, only contributes more to the hate in this world.  Understanding, compassion, love and time is the only way that we are going to change this world that we are in.

That is what I feel when I see violence and nastiness on TV.  How can I reach more people and love them, connect with them and help them to feel good about themselve and learn to love others, so that they can spread that message to those around them.  Now is not the time to turn our backs on this situation and live where we can’t see it.  Now is the time to fight for change, not by fighting back, but by stripping back the layers.  Understand why people do things and teach them another way.  Because you will find, that ALL undesirable behaviours has its essence in trying to achieve a higher self-worth, and we are all beautiful exactly the way we are……all of you!  See if you can start practicing really understanding the people around you, especially the ones that you find the most difficult.  What is that they are trying to achieve and maybe help them to achieve that, instead of hating them for it.  After all, you are seeking it too, are you not?

Good night.

 

The social stigma of Becoming a Mum

Last night I had the most fun time that I have had in a long time. I was able to release myself of my motherly duties, dress up as the woman that I am sometimes able to me, put some make up on, do my hair and go out with the girls.  I was able to complete conversations without having to get up to get someone else’s dinner/drinks or be interrupted with the words mum, mum, mum, mum, mum nagging at me, and I was able to drink, laugh and dance.  This was sooo much fun….until I tiptoed into my house at 4am only to be awoken an hour later by my 3 & 4 year old jumping on my bed and pulling my eyelids open, telling me ‘I woke up because it was daylight out my window’.   Really?  it was daylight when I get home, so pleeeeeease let me sleep.

Happy parents 150x150Thankfully I have an angel husband who took over from there and allowed me to suffer my self-inflicted torment in peace.  But it did get me thinking about a conversation that I had with a friend of mine last night about the Stigma that some mothers have placed on themselves about how to socialise when they become a mother.

Some people believe that their role of a mother entails giving up this kind of ‘outing’ and that we should opt for the more conservative social ventures, like dinner only, maybe a coffee with the girls or a trip to the hairdressers to get their social fix.

Some people go to the other extreme and believe that motherhood ‘will not change me’ and continue to party on every weekend, suffering through the minimal hours sleep and handling their hangovers amidst nappies, demands and visiting the toilet to ride the porcelain bus, vehemently believing that they can do and have it all, regardless of the pain, all in the name of the stigma they believe is attached to the label of being a mother.

So which one is right?  Do we change our social habits when we become a mum and conform to the conservative, polite and reserved person that we saw protrayed by our parent’s era, or do we party hard like we did when we were 18 and pretend that nothing has changed in life and we are still as indesctructible as ever.

My person belief is that it doesn’t needt to be typically either way. How does it work for you?  I always maintain that motherhoods changes you physically, mentally, emotionally, morally and ethically. That every part of you changes.  So possibly with that change, your social interests may change too, or maybe they won’t.  It all depends on you, the individual. Personally, it doesn’t appeal to me to go out til 4 in the morning on a regular basis, and possibly not even on a monthly or 6-monthly basis, but occassionally I like to just let my hair down, dance the town red and do a little harmless flirting, which does wonders for the self-esteem by the way.  But generally its usually the general catch ups, BBQs and social events that I can take the kids to that makes up my social calendar.

So, in summary, I dont think that you should attach any sort of stigma to your label of being a mother and how you should behave now that you are a mum, because you are still a woman inside that mother that you are and you can live it up and enjoy yourself anyway that you see fit and that lies within your own integrity.  Have fun with life is the key, I think.  God knows, there are enough demands placed on us in our role as a mother, so why should we have even more demands placed on us of the way we ‘should’ act when it comes how mothers socialise.  This time-out can be few and far between, so why not use it the way you enjoy it, not the way you are taught that you ‘should’ enjoy it.

What do you thinK?

 

 

How to socialise as a ‘mum’

Last night I had the most fun time that I have had in a long time. I was able to release myself of my motherly duties, dress up as the woman outside of being a mum, put some make up on, do my hair and go out with the girls. I was able to complete conversations without having to get up to get someone else’s dinner/drinks or be interrupted with the words mum, mum, mum, mum, mum nagging at me, and I was able to drink, laugh and dance.

This was sooo much fun….until I tiptoed into my house at 4am only to be awoken an hour later by my 3 & 4 year old jumping on my bed and pulling my eyelids open, telling me ‘I woke up because it was daylight out my window’. Really? it was daylight when I get home, so pleeeeeease let me sleep.

Thankfully I have an angel husband who took over from there and allowed me to suffer my self-inflicted torment in peace. But it did get me thinking about a conversation that I had with a friend of mine last night about the stigma that some mothers have placed on themselves about how to socialise once they become a mother.

Some people believe that their role of a mother entails giving up this kind of ‘outing’ and that we should opt for the more conservative social ventures, like dinner only, maybe a coffee with the girls or a trip to the hairdressers to get their social fix.

Some people go to the other extreme and believe that motherhood ‘will not change me’ and continue to party on every weekend, suffering through the minimal hours sleep and handling their hangovers amidst nappies, demands and visiting the toilet to ride the porcelain bus, desperately hoping that they really can do and have it all, regardless of the pain, all in the name of the stigma they believe is attached to the label of being a mother.

So which one is right? Do we change our social habits when we become a mum and conform to the conservative, polite and reserved person that we saw portrayed by our parent’s era, or do we party hard like we did when we were 18 and pretend that nothing has changed in life and we are still as indestructible as ever.

I don’t believe it typically needs to be either way actually. How does it work for you?

I always maintain that motherhood does change you physically, mentally, emotionally, morally and ethically. Every part of you changes. So possibly with that change, your social interests may change too, or maybe they won’t. It all depends on you, the individual.

Personally, it doesn’t appeal to me to go out til 4 in the morning on a regular basis, and possibly not even on a monthly or 6-monthly basis, but occasionally I like to just let my hair down, dance the town red and do a little harmless flirting, which does wonders for the self-esteem by the way. But generally its usually the general catch ups, BBQs and social events that I can take the kids to that makes up my social calendar.

I think it’s just a matter of accepting the reality of the life you are now living as a parent and integrating that life with other interests you now have too.

I once had a friend who said to me that you figure out what you want to do and then plot and scheme around your kids to do it. I’ll never forget that valuable piece of advice.

I don’t think that you should attach any sort of stigma or etiquette to your label of being a mother and how you should behave because you are still a woman inside that mother that you are and you can live it up and enjoy yourself any way that it fits within your own integrity.

Mums are allowed to have fun. Goodness knows there are enough demands placed on us in our role as a mother, so why should we have even more demands placed on us of the way we ‘should’ act when it comes how mothers socialise?

This time-out can be few and far between, so why not use it the way you enjoy it, not the way you are taught that you ‘should’ enjoy it.

For more information about how to reclaim your personal identity or get more time out, go see our products page.

How to be Happy without trying to be happy

7940593_s How to be Happy without trying to be Happy

The answer?  Stop making happiness a goal that you are trying to achieve.  Because you will never achieve it, at least not on a sustainable level.  Happiness is a feeling that we feel when life is going the way we want it to go. The reality of life and the journey that we experience in our lifetimes is that its full of its ups and downs. We get experiences that we love and experiences that we feel terrible about.

If you have the goal of trying to be happy all the time, then everytime somethings goes ‘wrong’ and you feel unhappy, you start to think that you are a failure in your life.  You start to see more of the ‘unhappy’ things in your life and you being to feel further and further away from your goal to be happy. It’s not your fault, we have been conditioned to believe that we need to find happiness.  It is everywhere.  Just switch on the TV or radio and you will be inundated with ways that are supposedly going to make you happy.  Our parents say to us – I just want you to be happy, our teachers talk about careers that will make us happy, the self help industry is loaded with ways to make you happy.  Even I am luring you in with talk about how to be happy.  Its crazy. We then define our life’s value on how happy we can make ourselves be.  Possibly you are teaching your children this exact same indoctrination.

Instead of trying to be happy, it is much better to shift your focus to finding the value in every single experience that you have.  Develop the understanding that everytime you have an experience there is always something that you learn from it, or receive from it.  For example, think back to the difficult times when you first had your child and look at all that you have learnt about being a mother, see the character these challenges have built in you and feel that feeling of satisfaction that you got from getting through that period of time and the comfort in knowing how to handle that situation if it arose in the future.

When you learn to see the value in every single experience and begin to understand that life is about learning about yourself & life, you will find yourself becoming happier, as you stop thinking that life has to go your way in order for you to be happy.  Some of the most beneficial lessons you have learnt have come from your most unenjoyable experiences.  Why would you want these unenjoyable experiences to stop, when you get such incredible insights about yourself and life.

I know that in the moment it might suck, but if you learn to try and find the value in these experiences in the moment, you often detach yourself from the situation and not get so consumed by it.

Think about this – if you went to see a movie where a baby was born to the perfect parents, who loved each other dearly, never had fights with each other, only ever spoke to the baby with love and affection, the baby grew up to be the perfect child with perfect school grades, had the best of friends, had only one boyfriend who loved her forever, grew up to have the perfect job with lots of money and never wanted for anything and their life was one big happy bubble that never went wrong.  You would come out of that movie thinking you had seriously wasted you money – it was dead boring!

The truth is we love to see the trials and tribulations of other people’s lives and we often learn from seeing these events and often see the value in our own lives because of it.  Part of the enjoyment of life is to have value come out of unenjoyable moments, or experiencing something that adds meaning and purpose to our lives.  But don’t get me wrong, its not that you don’t want to set goals that you want to achieve that will make you feel better, that’s fine.  Its when you pin your self worth or you life’s value on achieving this happy feeling, is when the danger comes from making you feel absolutely miserable.  Sometimes we don’t always get what we want and if we see the learning that we got from that experience and understand that because of that learning your life’s value hasn’t changed, then you won’t feel so miserable about not getting what you wanted.

So at the end of the day, the way to be happy without trying to be happy, is to stop trying to achieve that elusive feeling of happiness all of the time and instead find the merit in every situation, good and bad.  When you shift your attention to this line of thinking, you will find that it generates a more consistent feeling inside of yourself and you will end up describing yourself as ‘happier’.  It’s an interesting paradox.  Give it a go and see what happens.

Do you have any issues at the moment that you are struggling to find value in?  Let me know and I will try and help you seek the value and shift your attention?

Now that you have a more accurate understanding of how to be a happy mum, Stay tuned tomorrow for my next blog where I will now talk about more specific events that pertain to being a mother…..

 

The Journey of a Happy Mum

relaxed mum“The Journey of a Happy Mum”.  What happens in that journey that makes her a happy mum?  How does she become a happy mum?  What can I do to be like her and be a happy mum too?  These are all questions that have probaby drawn you to clicking on this blog.  Everyone wants to know how to become a happy mum, don’t they?

In this blog, I am going to discuss with you how to be a happy mum.  I’m going to discuss with you all of the trials and tribulations that happen in my own life and how I view these experiences.  I’m hoping that through this blog, I can share with you my experiences and views, so that I can help you to think about your own experiences and at the same time, sort through my own thoughts and hopefully redirect them where I want them to go.  So welcome….

Firstly, I would like to discuss this heading “Journey of a Happy Mum”  because this title is like the misleading propoganda headings that lure you into buying, reading or achieving something that you think you need and the proof is that I just did it to you.  So I want to now give you another perspective on this ‘happy mum’ thing.  So I will start off by saying that – ‘Happiness is a Journey, not a destination?’ (LOL) Okay, okay, don’t turn me off, I’m hearing you groan!  It gets said to death, I know and I feel incredible cliche by saying it, but there is value in this saying and I want to disect it a bit so that we can put it into context here, because is very significant to becoming a happy mum. 

Let’s discuss the word “Journey“.  When we think about a journey we think about a trip, a holiday, going from A to B.  Now let’s say, to keep it light, the journey we are talking about is going to work.  A is home and B is our work destination.  On our way to work, sometimes we get there without a hiccup.  We get mostly green lights, there were no accidents, Our car ran well.  Sometimes, we aren’t so lucky.  We might get stuck in a traffic jam and run late, or our car gets a flat tyre, or maybe someone cut you off and you got really annoyed by that.  Sometimes we have a very enjoyable trip to work.  Our favourite song comes on the radio and pumps you up, someone lets you into their lane, you get in the car and don’t need to fill up.  All of these things make you feel good, right?  So what we experience on our journey to work, is that sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn’t go well and sometimes its a non-event altogether.  That is the reality of our journey to work.

The next step is to now look at the word Journey in the context our life. In life, our journey goes from A to B.  A is when we are born.  B is when we die.  In between is our Journey.  Now compare this life journey to that of your journey to work.  How do they differ?  The answer is that they don’t.  In our lives, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn’t go well and sometimes it a non-event altogether. That is the reality of our journey of life. Now use that in the context of motherhood and you get the same result.  Sometimes, our children do what we want them to do – they go to sleep, they eat all their dinner, they don’t bug you.  Sometimes you don’t lose your cool and sometimes you get everything done that you set out to do.  On the other hand sometimes you get zero hours sleep.  Sometimes your house looks like a bomb site.  Sometimes you just couldn’t be bothered getting out of bed and being a mother.  In the middle are the days where life just happens and there is nothing that shines and nothing to gripe about.  That is the reality of Motherhood.  That is the journey of a mum.

Now for the happy bit.  This word H-a-p-p-y is a word that often gets us in trouble.  It is a dangerous word that we aspire to that will continually cause us to feel the exact opposite of this if we pin all our hopes and dreams on becoming it.   Ask most people what they want and there answer will be – To Be Happy.  Well, I’m about to burst that ‘happy’ bubble that you are trying to achieve……

So stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog – “How to be happy without trying to be happy’…..

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