…..but rewind 12 months ago to last new year’s day when I yet again set all of those goals to lose weight, eat healthier, be a happier person, not yell at my kids and be in a better financial position. I look at these goals now and think, “What happened?”
Why did I not achieve the goals that I set for myself? What got in the way? I was so motivated and determined at the beginning of the year, so what went ‘wrong’?
Does this sound familiar?
Well, listen up close, because this could be the most important blog you ever read. I’m not just going to tell you the top five reasons why I believe people don’t achieve their goals, I’m also going to tell you how to change it so that you do achieve your goals?
1. I have no idea HOW to achieve my goals?
It is very common for people to set goals for themselves and have no plan of how they are going to achieve them. They aimlessly attempt to do things towards meeting those goals, however they may find that ‘life’ gets in the way, it all seems too hard or the path towards the goal becomes too overwhelming. Particularly if you have a rather large goal you would like to achieve, the end result seems so far away, it can be discouraging and your motivation can die off because of this discouragement.
How to overcome this block: Break it down into doable steps. Be as specific as you can and work your way back from the goal. What are all the things that you need to do in order to reach your destination. List everything you can think of, then place it in a timeline. Create a step by step approach to your goals that you can tick off as you go. Write them down on a sheet of paper, or better still a vision/goal board. Create visual images of each step on your journey towards that goal. Include how you’ll feel at each ‘milestone’, what it will look like and as you get to it, cross it off and write in big black pen ‘Thank you’, because you are grateful for getting to this point on your path towards your goal. Know that every single step on your path towards your goal IS part of you achieving that goal.
2. I’m too busy for me to meet these goals.
Life happens and, especially as mums, we are often guilty of putting everyone else first and ourselves last. But honestly, who does this help? You end up feeling hard done by, may become cranky, unhappy or like a purposeless robot. This may result in you then being irritable towards your kids or your husband and then the whole family suffers as a result of you being unhappy. I know that you agree with me that mums do a lot of hard work, so why not reward yourself with something for you to be inspired about.
How to overcome this block: As a mum, you will always have a lot on your plate….always. This is not going to change. But let me tell you something about time. It has little to do with time and everything to do with priorities. What you hold as important to you is what you will make time in your life to do. My children have learnt over the years that mummy takes time for herself, mummy takes time to work and mummy takes time to hang out, cuddle and play with the kids. I think it is important to teach your kids that you are important to you and you are making yourself and your dreams a priority.
I don’t care if your children are newborns, or 5-10 year olds. You are never too busy to get what you want, you only have to start making it a priority. I know this because I spent 12 months writing a 300page workshop and building this website when my kids were just 6months old and 22months old. While they slept, I would make it a priority to fit writing in. This goal was something that inspired the pants off me. So much so, that I would have as little as 5 hours sleep most nights and not feel tired. I tell you this, not to boast, but to inspire you that when you are passionate about your goals and have a plan to achieve them, you will make it a priority to spend the time on the necessary steps it takes to make it come to fruition.
3. It’s not really what I want.
Often we set goals for things that we think we ‘should’ have, or because it will please someone else. Goals like this are rarely achieved, because you cannot be passionate about them. You are hardly likely to make a goal or the steps to achieve it a priority when it’s not even something that you want. Be careful with this one, because we can be very good at convincing ourselves that this is something that we want, when it’s really not.
How to overcome this block: Take some quiet time and imagine yourself with the goal that you have. Put yourself in that position and visualise what life will be like when you have achieved this goal. Does it excite you? Does it bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart? If the answer is no, don’t bother setting this goal. Instead, ask yourself why you would live your life for someone else or for someone else’s beliefs for that matter, and what your payoff is for doing so…there is always a payoff for why we behave the way we do. Once you’ve indentified that it’s not ‘your’ goal, think about something you do want, plan for it, make it a priority and go for it!!
4. If I stumble, I have failed.
We live in a fast paced world. We are taught that we want what we want when we want it. We are bombarded with ‘law of attraction’ hype that tells us that all we need to do is visualise what we want and we will have it attracted to us. We are taught to set up a plan of how to get from A to B and that we must take this direct path straight to our goal (do not pass go, do not collect $200). We are taught, in this anxiety driven world where we think we can control and prevent everything, that if I can’t get life to go my way and I can’t get my life to go in the direction that I planned it to go, then I have failed. If I can’t manifest or create what I’ve visualised, then I must have done something wrong, or don’t deserve it. Then I give up and sink back into my hole, wondering why I bothered to try and achieve something beyond what I’m currently doing.
How to overcome this block: This is where we must look at the reality of life. While it’s great to have a goal and a plan of how to achieve it. Life rarely goes from A to B without a hiccup. It’s certainly great when it does go to plan, however we must be prepared for the fact that sometimes it doesn’t. While I am a big believer in the law of attraction. I am also aware of the law of action and the law of gestation. Everything needs a chance to grow and sometimes you need time to learn and cultivate the soil before your dream grows and blossoms. Also remember that life is full of ups and downs and often when we feel like we have deviated from our plotted path, we actually learn our most valuable lessons that accelerate us to getting what we want. Often those ‘down’ times are the last hurdle we needed to overcome before we reached success. My advice to overcome this fourth reason why we don’t achieve our goals, is to remember that just because you plan life to go a certain way, it doesn’t mean it has to go that way in order to achieve your goal. This applies to whether you are getting your newborn into a routine, working on career goals or money goals.
Life often throws us curveballs, so that we learn, stretch past our comfort zones and grow as human beings. We learn so much from our adversities and you can see these times as opportunities to take those learnings and replot your course towards getting your goals. Stumbling doesn’t mean you fail, it just means it’s time to stop, re-route your path and keep striving. Keep the image of what you want strong in your mind (and on your goal board).
5. I don’t believe I can actually achieve this goal. I don’t deserve it.
This is the final and biggest reason why someone fails at setting goals. I know, it seems crazy. Why on earth would someone set a goal for themselves if they didn’t believe they could achieve it? Because there is a big difference between wanting it and feeling worthy of it. From the time you were a child you have been fed information and conditioning about what you deserve in life and what level of success you are likely to achieve? I bet if you look back at what your parents believed they could achieve, you are likely living upto that same level of success. Your mind has been taught to conceive what you can and can’t do and this is why this is the biggest block to overcome. You must conquer the mind to conquer your dreams.
How to overcome this block: It’s time to start learning about how to retrain your mind to think differently. Your mind and what you are thinking within it is the key to unlocking happiness and success in your life. You will, no doubt, have many misconceptions about your life and your worth that are stopping you from expereincing everything that you have always wanted to achieve. Let me tell you that these thoughts are not real! They are simply a product of repetition over years that has now become your habitual thinking about life. The comfort level of what you think you deserve is only a learnt response and it can easily be unlearnt through new information and repetition – retraining the mind to think differently. This is a scientific fact.
If you did a study on happy people, wealthy people or people who have achieved the very thing you may be aspiring to, you will find there is a mindset that will be common amongst all those people who have achieved those particular goals. Study them. Learn from them. Do what they have done. Infect your mind with the mindset that they had and you will no doubt start following the same path that they did to find success. Your mind is so powerful and poisonous incorrect thoughts and beliefs about your capabilities and your level of success are the major thing that will stand in the way of achieving your goals for 2011.
Today, right now, is the time to start looking at how you can get what you want. Don’t let life get so busy that you forget to live and enjoy the experiences that it has to offer. The new year is the time to look around, observe what you have, be grateful for what you have and ask yourself, “What do I want to experience this year? Is this a goal that is mine and that I am excited and passionate about? How to I get that goal – what are the steps to achieving it? How do I schedule (plot and scheme around my kids) to make this a priority in my life? Who is doing what I want to do and what can I learn off them? and finally, what poisonous beliefs do I need to eradicate from my mind in order to start believing that I can have whatever I want to achieve in my life?
Ask yourself these questions seriously and the answers will send you well on your way to achieving what you want for 2011. The Happy Mum Handbook, will also help you to retrain your mind to think differently. It will help you plan your life, set goals, work around the kids, get rid of those poisonous beliefs and help you to start living life in the happy way you’d like to be living it – all in the context of being a mum! And finally, this book will help you to teach your kids how to be happy in their own lives, because your life will be the living example!
I hope you have all had a happy and safe christmas/new year and wish you all the success for 2011.