The reality of any relationship is that two individuals, with two individual belief systems are integrating together to create a result. That result becomes the dynamic between you and the other person.
So when you look at the dynamic between your child and you, BOTH of you have contributed to the current reality of what you're experiencing.
If you're looking to solve a problem you're having with your child, not only do you need to look at their behaviour, you may also have to look at your own.
Ask yourself some of these questions:
- How did this behaviour begin? Did you say anything when it first started? Did you let them get away with it? Were there any consequences for their behaviour when it first began?
- Are you always trying to be right without allowing them to have an opinion or a voice?
- How are you reacting to their behaviour? Are you treating them the way you want to be treated?
- What is their/your payoff for behaving this way over and over again? What do they get from it? Every human being operates with a 'what in it for me' factor - how do I pursue pleasure (get something to feel good) or avoid pain (avoid something bad)? So what's going on for both of you behind the behaviour?
- Do you give in when the going gets tough, teaching your child that all they have to do is up the anti and they'll get their own way?
The reality is that BOTH of you will be contributing to the problem, but someone has to break the pattern between you.
So how can you break the cycle? If you stop playing the game, the dynamic HAS to change!
Stopping the trend...
Jackie