Tag Archives for " self-worth "

Get It Right. You HAVE To Be Perfect.

Who on earth made that rule?!! Umm, I hate to say this…but you did.

We often hear in the parenting community that there is so much pressure on parents to get it right and do everything perfectly.

But who’s actually judging whether you’re doing it right or not?

The thing about judgment is that someone may have an opinion about what is right or not, but your reaction to their opinion comes from your beliefs, not from theirs.

No one can MAKE you feel any particular way. What they do though, is trigger something that already exists within you! They trigger the beliefs that you already hold about yourself and your life.

If you are feeling pressured, it’s because YOU believe you have to meet a certain standard in order to look good or be perceived a certain way.

YOU are the one setting the bar, so you can be the one to change it.

The only reason why other parents don’t succumb to the pressure of parenting is because they have a mindset that believes that they aren’t perfect. They know they are doing the best they can. They are continually looking for solutions to their problems. They don’t think it means anything about them if they can’t get it to be perfect or if they have an off day and they don’t believe other people’s opinions define who they are as a parent.

So when they hear about the ‘pressure of parents today’, it doesn’t trigger a response.

Adopt this mindset too, and your world will be a much more relaxed space.

Change your beliefs and you’ll change your reactions…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Drowning In Parenthood? Start Here.

Quite often I read the posts of people introducing themselves on my Live programs, and I think “Wow, you’ve got so much going on.  Where should we start first.”

So this post is to help those of you who are feeling this way about your life and parenthood.

What do you want?

A seemingly simple question, yet one that is not often answered with specifics, or if it is, it is answered as more than a wish then a serious goal or expectation.

But this by far is the most important question to ask yourself when you feel like you’re drowning, because we often get sucked into the vortex of seeing everything we don’t have.

I can tell you that there are no solutions down that road.

What is it that you want in your parenting experience?
What is it that you want in your relationships?
What sort of relationship do you want with your kids, your family, etc.?
What does the ideal work/life balance look like?
What sort of person do you want to be?

Sit down with yourself and look at every area of your life and think about what the ideal would look like. What sort of life do you want to create for yourself? What would make you happy?

When you’ve done that, ask yourself whether you have been specific about these wants. When you look at those wants, would you be able to tell that you had achieved them?  Or can you be even more specific?

Knowing what you want is the first step to changing your life, because it gives you a direction to go in.  From this point, you can then begin to focus on how to get this information, where you can find the information that will help you to get there and who can teach it to you.

Struggles in life don’t mean a failed life. They just mean you lost your direction, or you haven’t yet learnt the skills required to get you there. Don’t waste time thinking about that though, just focus on what you want and how to learn so you can get there!

Free yourself and redesign your life.

 

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

I Don’t Even Know Who I Am Anymore

Becoming a parent is a HUGE transition and often, we don’t deliberately take the time to mentally adjust to the change.

We get stuck in identifying ourselves with the past and what life used to be like, but the reality is (there’s that bloody reality again, lol) that life HAS changed and it CAN’T be the way it used to be.

You need to let it go and instead, focus on what you want for your life NOW and how you can fit it in around your kids.

Too often, we focus our attention on what we’re missing out on and I’d love a dollar for every time I’ve asked someone, “So what would the ideal be? What do you want?” And they’ve said, “I don’t know”.

Umm, well, how can you possibly expect to be enjoying your life when you keep looking for everything you don’t have but have no clarity on what you want?

Who do you want to be?

How do you want to construct your life?

What sort of parent do you want to be?

What experiences would you like to have?

Once you’ve established that, then you need to follow the great advice that a friend once told me:

“You decide what it is you want to do, then you plot and scheme around your kids to do it.”

LOVE IT!

The only reason why you feel you’ve lost your identity is because you are still trying to identify with a you that doesn’t exist anymore. Life has changed. You need to move with the times and get deliberate about life.

Redefining yourself…..

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

My Breakdown (I was in tears writing this)

“Nobody knows…..nobody knows but me that I sometimes cry. If I could pretend that I’m asleep when my tears start to fall. I peek out from behind these walls…I think nobody knows…..nobody knows, no….”
Pink

Every day, I put on the facade. My friends didn’t know. My husband sometimes knew. And to everyone else, I was easy-going, happy, friendly and coping well with my two toddlers only 16 months apart. To everyone else, I loved being a mum and had it all under control.

But inside was a war zone – with myself.

It was an endless cycle of loving motherhood, hating motherhood, being tired, pissed off, flipping out in anger, feeling guilty and hating myself. I threw things, screamed, swore, then would see the scared looks on my toddlers’ faces and then fall to my knees in a heap, devastated at the mother I had become.

I felt like I was everything I swore I would never be as a parent and felt I was failing miserably.

But there was no way anyone was ever going to know that. I was the achiever. I got things right! I was SUPPOSED to be a good mother. How could I tell anyone that I had failed? How could I even admit that to myself?

So I sat there and suffered day in and day out until finally, after getting so angry, I slammed a knife on the bench so hard in anger, that it bounced off and narrowly missed my (then) two-year old’s head, I finally realised enough was enough. I had to change, so I dedicated my life to doing exactly that!

After retraining myself to completely change the way I felt about parenthood, I began to educate other parents that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you don’t have to go through this feeling alone.

You can turn all this around and I want to help you to do so. I don’t want anyone to feel the way that I did.

I want you to know that there are so many parents feeling the same way that you do, the way that I did, and I don’t want you to ever feel ashamed for what’s happening for you right now.

You are not a bad parent. You are a parent who just needs a shift in their mindset, an education in self-worth. A parent who is just receiving a wake-up call for their personal development.

On the other side of this you are a confident, happier, calmer and reality-focused parent who is able to share your new found wisdom with your children and help them avoid depression and anxiety in their futures.

This is, undoubtedly, the hidden good in all this. So when will it be time to learn how to change? Today. Don’t leave it any longer. You can do this.

Showing you the way…

Jackie

To find out how we can help you, head over to our Bring My Family Calm Program that will help you to turn it all around.

Luckily, My Friend Didn’t Get Offended…

A little while ago now a friend of mine made a comment about a mother who would often be quite vocal at school carnivals, hollering out to her children and yelling out encouragements in a more-than-usual emphatic way.

My friend voiced her concern that the children would be very embarrassed by their mum and she felt bad for them.

I questioned myself, as to whether I should say anything to my friend, but decided to anyway, braving potentially getting shunned for my response in lieu of giving some valuable insight into the statement. Thankfully, she’s used to me and didn’t get offended.

My response was that although the children may be embarrassed and possibly even pressured to perform (something we don’t really know though), that child would also get some very valuable lessons in commitment, determination, working hard and getting results from working hard. Attributes that would serve them well in life, as well as feeling supported and encouraged by their mother.

So while (and we’re still assuming here) that child may have experienced something ’embarrassing’ or unwanted because of the mum, there was also some enormous value that came from that child’s experience with that mum – the hidden good in the bad (not that it was really bad).

This is a valuable lesson for all of us when trying to be more than enough for our children. We will be ourselves in the best way we know how, in the place where we are in our personal development (we’re still sifting through and growing from our childhoods to become better people).

Your child will, without a doubt, learn things from you or experience things with you that will cause them or lead them to struggles, challenges and hardships at some other point in their life and their experiences of you will also lead them to some awesome things too (the highs).

Everyone experiences highs and lows. I’ve seen ‘perfect’ families (whatever that is) who still have children that get depressed because they believe that perfection is the right life and don’t know how to deal with challenges.

The reality is you cannot get your child’s life right!  And that’s because it can’t go wrong! Life is just a unique story we all have, full of highs and lows and lessons that come from BOTH ends of the spectrum.

Your job is to contribute to your child’s life and you will do that in the best way you can, with the information you have. You are always teaching your children about life, even when you are behaving in a way that you wish you didn’t.

If you feel you want to improve your parenting skills, do it! This will still lead to your child having experiences that will both serve them and challenge them. But that’s what life’s about. Everything has value!

You are good enough for your child RIGHT NOW!

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Am I Going To Be Enough For My Child?

“Am I going to mess up my child’s life? Will I give them a good enough life? Teach them enough? Love them enough?”

This is a fear the runs through the minds of parents everyone. However, it is a fear that does not need to occur.

Remember how often I say that all stress is a conflict between belief and reality?

Well fear is the belief that you (or someone else) might miss out on something and life won’t go right.

However, when we expand our attention out and look at the bigger picture, the reality is that life can’t go wrong? Big statement huh? Well let me explain.

No matter what direction your life takes it will always be filled with highs and lows, goods and bads, wanted and unwanted. You can’t escape that. It’s just a fact of life.

If you think life is going wrong because it hasn’t gone to plan, then you are essentially saying that everyone’s life has gone wrong, because no one’s life always goes to plan.

Our job as a parent is not to get their lives right, but to help them deal with life when it doesn’t go right.

You are doing the best you can with the information that you have, the beliefs you hold about life and about what you believe is a ‘right’ life. You cannot predict what the future will hold, nor the challenges your child will face. Of course you will try and help your child avoid major potholes in their life, but you won’t be able to protect them from everything.

Nor do you want to, because EVERY event we experience holds value – it teaches us something and helps us to learn and grow as human beings, especially our adversities.

So don’t fear that you are going to mess their lives up, because the reality is, you can’t!

However if you do feel like you are not parenting in alignment with your goals, values or wants, that’s when you can turn your attention towards how you are going to learn to do it differently…because you WANT to experience that connection with your child, not because you’re scared their life won’t go to plan.

The best thing you can do for your child is help them learn a reality-based approach to life where they learn how to handle life’s challenges with an accurate view of reality and self-worth, which is exactly what I passionately teach parents in my online Stress Free Kids, Stress Free Parenting course.

We need to teach children not to fear life going wrong, but to embrace ALL challenges and see the value in them. But often, we first need to learn this for ourselves.

Life is a journey…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Give Yourself Permission To SHINE!

“I’m gonna give myself permission to shine.”
~sings Vanessa Amerosi

Well, do you give yourself permission to shine? Or do you continue to bag yourself, beat yourself up and keep yourself stuck in a rut?

It’s time to make yourself a priority.

Your life has not ended because you had children. You need to get out of that mindset of all the things you’re missing out on and start looking at what you want!

A good friend said to me once that you when you figure out what you want, you just plot and scheme around your kids to make it happen.

I so love that!

So what do you want right now? What do you need right now to begin shining? To feel like life is good? To start feeling like there is a part of you outside of being a parent?

Get clear about what you would like to experience and then make it a priority to research and plan how you’re going to get it.

Find your wings…..

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Stuff it! What’s the point?

 

Ever feel this way?  You try and try and try to do the ‘right’ thing, but you just end up failing….or at least that’s how you see it.

The danger in this language is that it is often associated with depression.

The belief system behind depression is when you have attached your self-worth to a particular identity you are ‘supposed’ to live up to or a way life was supposed to go. You keep trying to get your life ‘right’ in this way, but you wind up experiencing the opposite of what you want, leaving you feeling worthless, hopeless, useless or that life itself is of less value.

Repetition of this perspective in life, leads to you finding more and more evidence of it being true, which makes you feel even worse! What’s needed is a complete change in viewpoint about life, and more importantly a change in your viewpoint about self-worth.

Depression sufferers need to learn that life doesn’t always go to plan and that doesn’t mean anything about your self-worth – it’s just a part of life.

The reality is that we are all learning, growing, and experiencing highs and lows. Our lows are our learning points or our turning points. So what is this experience trying to teach you?

As soon as you stop reflecting on how worthless these events make you feel, and instead start focusing on what it’s teaching you or what you have to do next, you will start to feel better.

Learn an easier way….

 

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Other People Judging You?

If someone offers you a gift and you do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong?
Buddha

When someone passes judgement on you, know that their judgement doesn’t mean anything about you. It means everything about them and what they believe about life.

The only way that someone can affect you with their judgement is if they trigger something within you that already exists. You must already have believed you are what they say, or fear that you could become that, or you feel resistant to ever being that way.

There will be some belief that resides in you that has triggered your response, otherwise you would just shrug it off and not think twice about it. “That’s just their belief,” you would say.

If someone offers you the gift of their criticism and you don’t accept it, it remains theirs not yours.  You always have that choice.

Back yourself!

Jackie

Depression, sadness and anger can be a blessing

On Saturday my eldest son will turn six.  It seems like just yesterday he was born. the years have gone so fast. Yet in my memory I still vividly remember how I felt those sad, angry days in his early years when I thought I was the worst mum in the world and that I was always ‘stuffing him or his brother up’ in one way or another.

I felt like those long days with the kids changing nappies, cleaning the house and being bored out of my brain would never end.  I thought that my life had no purpose, no meaning and no direction, and that I was just existing from day to day in order to do everything for everyone else.

Although this is where I was at then, it is not how my life continued.  In fact being in that sad and angry place was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it took me to the place I am now and to what I am now doing with my life.

Without those moments, I would never have written books and programs to help other parents to stop their parental stress.  Without those moments I would never have learnt the information that teaches me to be a happy mum and teaches my kids the realistic version of how to be happy.  Without these moments, I would not meet and speak with many other inspirational parents like I do.

You see every moment in life leads to the next one.  Sometimes it may feel like your challenges are never going to end, but believe me they do.  Everything rises and passes away!  Whatever is going on in your life is a stepping stone.  Whether you are doing well in life right now or going through the hardest thing you have ever had to face, it is always temporary and eventually moves on to something else.

We don’t have to know how life will unfold, nor do we need to get it to unfold to our desires all the time.  We can’t possibly know what is going to happen next in our lives and will never know what good is going to follow our current bad.

There were times when I wanted to run away from how hard I found being a new mother with two young boys, but imagine if I did what I would be missing out on right now.

I am an author, a public speaker and a happy mum of two healthy and happy boys whom I can now help to learn to look at life in a healthy way and to be there to lift them when they feel in a similar way to how I had felt.  Because I’ve been there, I can teach them with conviction how to move themselves through those times quicker.

That time of my life where I was sad and angry all the time, propelled me to another level of my life that has now marked the beginning of something truly inspirational.  Your life can be this way too.

Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of believing that whatever is happening for you define’s your entire existence.  Never give up on believing you are important to this world.  If you don’t know why you are important to the world, then that doesn’t mean you aren’t. You just need to learn how to search for that evidence.

We each play a special role in life that is always giving something to someone we are in contact with.  We do this through existing.  You speak to others, participate in group activities, love others, live with others and leave with them a part of who you are JUST BY BEING ALIVE.  They learn from you and you form a part of how their life unfolds.

You are important now!  And always will be.

If you’re feeling low about your life right now and that ‘this is it’ for you.  Stop and imagine what uncrossed roads may be ahead of you.  You don’t know what amazing adventures are in store for you and you don’t know that what you are going through right now may end up being the very thing you need to occur in order for you to live a more amazing life than you have ever dreamed of living!!

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity”
Albert Einstein
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