Tag Archives for " peace "

Money Stress Makes Me An Unhappy Parent

A constant theme that runs through the info that you read in my programs, is this:

“Stress is never caused by events. It’s how you perceive those events and what you perceive them to mean about you/your life!”

Money, or the lack of it as the case may be, is not causing your unhappiness. It’s what you think the lack of money means about you, your life, or your kids’ life. My proof of that is, does everyone who is not rich feel the same sense of lack and the stress that comes with this feeling?

If it were lack of money causing people stress, then wouldn’t everyone who were poor feel unhappy? But that’s not true. Sure it may be the majority, but there’s still a minority who really don’t care about their financial status. They have other things that they’re focusing on that make them happen. So it can’t be the money that causes unhappiness.

And therein lies my point.

What this minority are focusing on is ‘something else’. They don’t even have their attention on the lack.

Your stress over money doesn’t even come from your money situation. It comes from your perception of the lack. It’s a classic missing out lens. Look at what I don’t have. Look at what I’m missing out on because of that lack. I’m missing out on how life should be.

But this may be the very perception that is keeping you stuck in this current financial position.

This thinking is in conflict with reality! Your financial position is your financial position. That’s reality. Your judgment is what causes the stress.

So, what to do now you realise that?

Figure out what you want. What would be the ideal scenario for you in regards to money? Be specific. What impact would this ideal have on your life? What would life look like if you had this ideal?

Immerse yourself in the imaginative process of how it would feel to have a different financial picture going on in your life.

Now, how can you get it? Where is the information, the resources, the tools and the experts that can teach you how to get where you want to be?

See how you are now a lot more solution focused about how to get ahead, rather than rolling in your story of how bad or lacking your life is?

You won’t change your position by wishing it wasn’t so. You’re at where you’re at. Period. So what are you going to do about it now you’re here?

Stop holding yourself back by thinking…

 

Jackie

Get It Right. You HAVE To Be Perfect.

Who on earth made that rule?!! Umm, I hate to say this…but you did.

We often hear in the parenting community that there is so much pressure on parents to get it right and do everything perfectly.

But who’s actually judging whether you’re doing it right or not?

The thing about judgment is that someone may have an opinion about what is right or not, but your reaction to their opinion comes from your beliefs, not from theirs.

No one can MAKE you feel any particular way. What they do though, is trigger something that already exists within you! They trigger the beliefs that you already hold about yourself and your life.

If you are feeling pressured, it’s because YOU believe you have to meet a certain standard in order to look good or be perceived a certain way.

YOU are the one setting the bar, so you can be the one to change it.

The only reason why other parents don’t succumb to the pressure of parenting is because they have a mindset that believes that they aren’t perfect. They know they are doing the best they can. They are continually looking for solutions to their problems. They don’t think it means anything about them if they can’t get it to be perfect or if they have an off day and they don’t believe other people’s opinions define who they are as a parent.

So when they hear about the ‘pressure of parents today’, it doesn’t trigger a response.

Adopt this mindset too, and your world will be a much more relaxed space.

Change your beliefs and you’ll change your reactions…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

I Don’t Even Know Who I Am Anymore

Becoming a parent is a HUGE transition and often, we don’t deliberately take the time to mentally adjust to the change.

We get stuck in identifying ourselves with the past and what life used to be like, but the reality is (there’s that bloody reality again, lol) that life HAS changed and it CAN’T be the way it used to be.

You need to let it go and instead, focus on what you want for your life NOW and how you can fit it in around your kids.

Too often, we focus our attention on what we’re missing out on and I’d love a dollar for every time I’ve asked someone, “So what would the ideal be? What do you want?” And they’ve said, “I don’t know”.

Umm, well, how can you possibly expect to be enjoying your life when you keep looking for everything you don’t have but have no clarity on what you want?

Who do you want to be?

How do you want to construct your life?

What sort of parent do you want to be?

What experiences would you like to have?

Once you’ve established that, then you need to follow the great advice that a friend once told me:

“You decide what it is you want to do, then you plot and scheme around your kids to do it.”

LOVE IT!

The only reason why you feel you’ve lost your identity is because you are still trying to identify with a you that doesn’t exist anymore. Life has changed. You need to move with the times and get deliberate about life.

Redefining yourself…..

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Am I Going To Be Enough For My Child?

“Am I going to mess up my child’s life? Will I give them a good enough life? Teach them enough? Love them enough?”

This is a fear the runs through the minds of parents everyone. However, it is a fear that does not need to occur.

Remember how often I say that all stress is a conflict between belief and reality?

Well fear is the belief that you (or someone else) might miss out on something and life won’t go right.

However, when we expand our attention out and look at the bigger picture, the reality is that life can’t go wrong? Big statement huh? Well let me explain.

No matter what direction your life takes it will always be filled with highs and lows, goods and bads, wanted and unwanted. You can’t escape that. It’s just a fact of life.

If you think life is going wrong because it hasn’t gone to plan, then you are essentially saying that everyone’s life has gone wrong, because no one’s life always goes to plan.

Our job as a parent is not to get their lives right, but to help them deal with life when it doesn’t go right.

You are doing the best you can with the information that you have, the beliefs you hold about life and about what you believe is a ‘right’ life. You cannot predict what the future will hold, nor the challenges your child will face. Of course you will try and help your child avoid major potholes in their life, but you won’t be able to protect them from everything.

Nor do you want to, because EVERY event we experience holds value – it teaches us something and helps us to learn and grow as human beings, especially our adversities.

So don’t fear that you are going to mess their lives up, because the reality is, you can’t!

However if you do feel like you are not parenting in alignment with your goals, values or wants, that’s when you can turn your attention towards how you are going to learn to do it differently…because you WANT to experience that connection with your child, not because you’re scared their life won’t go to plan.

The best thing you can do for your child is help them learn a reality-based approach to life where they learn how to handle life’s challenges with an accurate view of reality and self-worth, which is exactly what I passionately teach parents in my online Stress Free Kids, Stress Free Parenting course.

We need to teach children not to fear life going wrong, but to embrace ALL challenges and see the value in them. But often, we first need to learn this for ourselves.

Life is a journey…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Give Yourself Permission To SHINE!

“I’m gonna give myself permission to shine.”
~sings Vanessa Amerosi

Well, do you give yourself permission to shine? Or do you continue to bag yourself, beat yourself up and keep yourself stuck in a rut?

It’s time to make yourself a priority.

Your life has not ended because you had children. You need to get out of that mindset of all the things you’re missing out on and start looking at what you want!

A good friend said to me once that you when you figure out what you want, you just plot and scheme around your kids to make it happen.

I so love that!

So what do you want right now? What do you need right now to begin shining? To feel like life is good? To start feeling like there is a part of you outside of being a parent?

Get clear about what you would like to experience and then make it a priority to research and plan how you’re going to get it.

Find your wings…..

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

EVERYTHING is going so shit at the moment!

“Why are they ALWAYS whingeing? They NEVER give me any time out. I NEVER get anything done around here. They’re ALWAYS needing me for something. I’m so sick of dealing with this DAY IN, DAY OUT. Why can’t they just do as they’re told. They NEVER listen to me. NOBODY gives two shits about what I want. I’ve had enough! I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired. Clearly I’m doing something wrong. NOBODY ELSE feels this way. EVERYONE ELSE seems to manage, but not me! I’m hopeless.  Why can’t I get this right. What’s wrong with me? I’m such a failure. I hate my life!”

This used to be a regular conversation that would roll around in my head. Needless to say I would feel pretty crappy looking at my life from this perspective too.

See how I started with one little event and how quickly this little event escalated into meaning something about my whole life!!!

Here’s how I would respond to myself now:

“Really Jackie? ALWAYS. NEVER. NOBODY. EVERYONE ELSE. DAY IN. DAY OUT. These words are making this situation mean something about your whole life, but it’s not really that way is it?

  • The kids do listen to me sometimes. It’s just that they’re not listening right now. 
  • I do get things done around here, I’m just getting frustrated with all the demands, in THIS moment.
  • My family does care about me, but perhaps I’m feeling a bit run down and I need to make some time for myself.  When was the last time you actually planned that time out? Have you specifically asked for some support for yourself? You have to be your own hero, don’t just expect others to know what you want.
  • Not every day is like this. This is just a full on day today. Sometimes we have awesome days where I’ve had enough sleep, the kids are happy and I really enjoy being a mum.
  • EVERYONE! Really Jackie? What proof do you have that EVERYONE is managing, but you? Are you in their heads? The reality is that everyone has challenges and many parents feel the same as you. There’s nothing wrong with you. This is just a tough day.  Other people have challenges and difficulties too. It’s part of life. Even if they aren’t challenged in parenting, they’ll just have challenges in other areas, because that’s how we learn and grow.

You are NOT a failure. So what is the problem that you need to deal with right now and what is the solution?

All stress is a conflict between belief and reality!  Be mindful that your internal conversations are not ‘catastrophising’ a situation that in reality, is just one event in your life that will come and go.

What you’re experiencing right now is NOT a reflection of the rest of your day (or your life for that matter!)

Look at the whole picture…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

What’s Good About This That You’re Not Seeing?

Find the hidden good in the bad!
Jackie Hall

This is one of my popular catch phrases.

Often we only focus on what we don’t want and what we’ve missed out on (that we believed should have happened), but the reality is, you are here now and this is your reality.

If you keep rolling in that story of what you don’t have, your brain will keep finding evidence of what you don’t have and you’ll keep feeling crappy.

If you’ve done any of my courses, you will have learnt how to start finding what’s good, beneficial or helpful about unwanted situations by asking yourself:

  • What can I be grateful for in this situation?
  • What am I /my child learning from this unwanted event?
  • Where is this unwanted event leading me that is wanted? (all highs lead to lows, all lows lead to highs)
  • What is the opportunity that can be found in this event?
  • What am I getting from this event?

Ask yourself these questions and see if you can come up with the ‘hidden good in the bad’ for yourself.

Get into this practice every time you catch yourself focusing on what you DON’T want or what you’re missing out on.

Shift your focus…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Stuff it! What’s the point?

 

Ever feel this way?  You try and try and try to do the ‘right’ thing, but you just end up failing….or at least that’s how you see it.

The danger in this language is that it is often associated with depression.

The belief system behind depression is when you have attached your self-worth to a particular identity you are ‘supposed’ to live up to or a way life was supposed to go. You keep trying to get your life ‘right’ in this way, but you wind up experiencing the opposite of what you want, leaving you feeling worthless, hopeless, useless or that life itself is of less value.

Repetition of this perspective in life, leads to you finding more and more evidence of it being true, which makes you feel even worse! What’s needed is a complete change in viewpoint about life, and more importantly a change in your viewpoint about self-worth.

Depression sufferers need to learn that life doesn’t always go to plan and that doesn’t mean anything about your self-worth – it’s just a part of life.

The reality is that we are all learning, growing, and experiencing highs and lows. Our lows are our learning points or our turning points. So what is this experience trying to teach you?

As soon as you stop reflecting on how worthless these events make you feel, and instead start focusing on what it’s teaching you or what you have to do next, you will start to feel better.

Learn an easier way….

 

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Stress Is A Practice You’ve Gotten Real Good At..

“You are what you practice most.” 
Richard Carlson

If you regularly feel stressed, it’s because you have practiced regular thinking in regards to life.  What you think about and focus on expands in that direction.

So if you are looking for how bad life is and how you’re always missing out on this, that and the other, your brain will naturally look for more evidence of how bad life is and what you’re missing out on.

If you practice thinking this way repetitively, it becomes a habit – like driving a car.

However if you practice looking for evidence that life isn’t ALWAYS bad, that perhaps you’re just experiencing something unwanted RIGHT NOW, and you practice looking for what you did get and how you learnt from the unwanted, you will automatically start to feel a lot less stress.

Stress-free through healthy thinkin’.

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Want To Slap People Who Say Happiness Is A Choice?

Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There’s going to be stress in life, but it’s your choice whether you let it affect you or not.
Valerie Bertinelli

When you’re having a crappy day and someone says to you (or posts it on Facebook) that happiness is a choice, don’t you just want to slap them (or unfriend them).

Here’s the truth about happiness:

Happiness is an emotion we feel when life’s going to plan.
The reality is life doesn’t always go to plan, so we’re not always going to feel happy!

But what we can feel is at peace with whatever is happening in our lives. Let’s face it, you won’t always like your reality, but you can learn how to accept it and deal with it.

And that’s what is really needed when you’re having those days that makes you want to run away or hide in a corner, not trying to create a facade that this unwanted event makes us happy.

But sometimes we just don’t know how to see life differently and we just need to learn.

So seek out the information that will teach you how to see the bigger picture and not get consumed by the ins and outs of parenting and life in general. Learn how to find peace in this moment…because what we’re really looking for is peace of mind. We all know that happiness won’t always be possible.

Ommmmm…….

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

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