A little while ago now a friend of mine made a comment about a mother who would often be quite vocal at school carnivals, hollering out to her children and yelling out encouragements in a more-than-usual emphatic way.
My friend voiced her concern that the children would be very embarrassed by their mum and she felt bad for them.
I questioned myself, as to whether I should say anything to my friend, but decided to anyway, braving potentially getting shunned for my response in lieu of giving some valuable insight into the statement. Thankfully, she’s used to me and didn’t get offended.
My response was that although the children may be embarrassed and possibly even pressured to perform (something we don’t really know though), that child would also get some very valuable lessons in commitment, determination, working hard and getting results from working hard. Attributes that would serve them well in life, as well as feeling supported and encouraged by their mother.
So while (and we’re still assuming here) that child may have experienced something ’embarrassing’ or unwanted because of the mum, there was also some enormous value that came from that child’s experience with that mum – the hidden good in the bad (not that it was really bad).
This is a valuable lesson for all of us when trying to be more than enough for our children. We will be ourselves in the best way we know how, in the place where we are in our personal development (we’re still sifting through and growing from our childhoods to become better people).
Your child will, without a doubt, learn things from you or experience things with you that will cause them or lead them to struggles, challenges and hardships at some other point in their life and their experiences of you will also lead them to some awesome things too (the highs).
Everyone experiences highs and lows. I’ve seen ‘perfect’ families (whatever that is) who still have children that get depressed because they believe that perfection is the right life and don’t know how to deal with challenges.
The reality is you cannot get your child’s life right! And that’s because it can’t go wrong! Life is just a unique story we all have, full of highs and lows and lessons that come from BOTH ends of the spectrum.
Your job is to contribute to your child’s life and you will do that in the best way you can, with the information you have. You are always teaching your children about life, even when you are behaving in a way that you wish you didn’t.
If you feel you want to improve your parenting skills, do it! This will still lead to your child having experiences that will both serve them and challenge them. But that’s what life’s about. Everything has value!
You are good enough for your child RIGHT NOW!
"It takes a village to raise a child"
The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village
Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again