Week Six / Day Seven – Exercise Day! Forgiving and letting go

 

NB – There is no audio available for this lesson

This week brings you to the end of your learning about changing your mindset to aligning it with the reality of the situation and the bigger picture, and how to view and understand the situation better by  looking at yours and/or others’ priorities, which are governed by their beliefs.

In today’s exercise, you are going to start practicing this understanding of beliefs by taking a look at recent or past events that have occurred in your own life.
 

Part A – YOU

Let’s start by looking at some of the behaviour that you have been participating in that perhaps you are beating yourself up about.

  1. List 5 things you have done over the past few weeks that you wished you didn’t. 
  2. Underneath each point and using your knowledge from this week’s lessons on priorities and self-worth, try to determine what your beliefs were that caused you to behave this way. 
  3. Write at least an entire page that upgrades your thinking for each thing you wish you hadn’t done.  If you do not feel like you have forgiven yourself or don’t feel a shift in how you feel about those moments after one page, then keep finding more upgrades and ways of thinking in alignment with the reality thinking model until you do!

 Use the questions below to help you with steps two and three:   

a)  What were the thoughts going through your mind in regards to this event?   

b)  How do you believe this event was affecting your quality of life, or your self-worth (your ideas about your reputation, your identity, your abilities etc)?   

c)  What were you trying to protect yourself from?   (for example – avoiding looking weak, incompetent, from feeling like a failure again?)

d)  Can you identify what the priority belief was that was activated in this moment?   

e)  How can you now look at this situation differently using the reality thinking model:  the reality of the situation; the reality of being a parent, the reality of life and the reality of self-worth?   

f)  What was the hidden good in the bad?  What are the benefits to this situation?

g)  What can you be grateful for?

h) How was this situation contributing to yours/other’s development?

i)  What have you learnt from this situation?

 

Part B – YOUR CHILDREN

  1. List 5 things your child has done over the past few weeks that you wished he/she hadn’t. 
  2. Underneath each point and using your knowledge from this week’s lesson on priorities and self-worth, try to determine what your child’s beliefs were that caused them to behave this way. 
  3. Write at least an entire page that upgrades your thinking for each thing you wish they hadn’t done.  If you do not feel like you have forgiven your child or don’t feel a shift in how you feel about those moments after one page, then keep finding more upgrades and ways of thinking in alignment with the reality thinking model until you do!

 Use the questions below to help you with steps two and three:   

a)  What were the thoughts going through your mind in regards to this event?   

b)  How was this event affecting your quality of life, or your self-worth (your ideas about your reputation, your identity, your abilities etc)   

c)  What do you think your child believed about how this event may have been affecting his/her self-worth or quality of life in order to behave this way?   

d)  What were they trying to protect their self-worth from? (eg being belittled, being weak, being picked on, ridiculed, being able to fit in etc)   

e)  Can you identify what your child’s priority belief was that was activated in this moment?   

f)  How can you now look at this situation differently using the reality thinking model:  the reality of the situation; the reality of being a parent, the reality of life and the reality of self-worth?   

g)  What was the hidden good in the bad?  What are the benefits to this situation?

h)  What can you be grateful for?

i) How was this situation contributing to yours/other’s development?

j)  What have you learnt from this situaiton?

 

Part C – YOUR PARTNER

(NB – If you are not in a relationship, please continue with Part D, or you may like to answer these questions about a previous partner in order to understand it better.)   

  1. List 5 things your partner has done over the past few weeks that you wished he hadn’t. 
  2. Underneath each point and using your knowledge from this week’s lessons on priorities and self-worth, try to determine what your partner’s beliefs were that caused him to behave this way. 
  3. Write at least an entire page that upgrades your thinking for each thing you wish he hadn’t done.  If you do not feel like you have forgiven your partner or don’t feel a shift in how you feel about those moments after one page, then keep finding more upgrades and ways of thinking in alignment with the reality thinking model until you do!

 Use the questions below to help you with steps two and three:   

a)  What were the thoughts going through your mind in regards to this event?   

b)  How was this event affecting your quality of life, or your self-worth (your ideas about your reputation, your identity, your abilities etc)   

c)  What do you think your partner believed about how this event may have been affecting his self-worth or quality of life in order to behave this way?   

d)  What was he trying to protect his self-worth from? (eg being a bad dad, not being able to provide for his family, looking like a weak man, being overpowered or out of control etc)   

e)  Can you identify what your partner’s priority belief was that was activated in this moment?   

f)  How can you now look at this situation differently using the reality thinking model:  the reality of the situation; the reality of being a parent, the reality of life and the reality of self-worth?   

g)  What was the hidden good in the bad?  What are the benefits to this situation?

h)  What can you be grateful for?

i) How was this situation contributing to yours/other’s development?

j)  What have you learnt from this situation?

 

Part D – Other People

(NB – Choose anyone else who you believe has caused you problems, or heartache in the past)   

  1. List 5 things this other person has done that you wished they hadn’t. 
  2. Underneath each point and using your knowledge from this week’s lessons on priorities and self-worth, try to determine what this person’s beliefs were that caused them to behave this way. 
  3. Write at least an entire page that upgrades your thinking for each thing you wish they hadn’t done.  If you do not feel like you have forgiven this person or don’t feel a shift in how you feel about those moments after one page, then keep finding more upgrades and ways of thinking in alignment with the reality thinking model until you do!

 Use the questions below to help you with steps two and three:   

a)  What were the thoughts going through your mind in regards to this event?   

b)  How do you think this event affected your quality of life, or your self-worth (your ideas about your reputation, your identity, your abilities etc)   

c)  What do you think this person believed about how this event may have been affecting his/her self-worth or quality of life in order to behave this way?   

d)  What was this person trying to protect their self-worth from? (eg being a bad person, being disapproved of, not fitting in, being unloved, not being appreciated, out of control etc)   

e)  Can you identify what this person’s priority belief was that was activated in this moment?   

f)  How can you now look at this situation differently using the reality thinking model:  the reality of the situation; the reality of being a parent, the reality of life and the reality of self-worth?   

g)  What was the hidden good in the bad?  What are the benefits to this situation?

h)  What can you be grateful for?

i) How was this situation contributing to yours/other’s development?

j)  What have you learnt from this situation?

NB – With this one, you really need to remind yourself that people behave in accordance to what they believed AT THAT MOMENT and the information that they held IN THAT MOMENT.  If you are working on upgrading your beliefs on a traumatic situation where someone else you didn’t know did something to you, then you may not be able to identify specific beliefs that they held.  You can however hold a general understanding that whatever it was, especially if it was a very nasty or serious act, then their idea of their self-worth has been seriously damaged through their experiences in life.     

Remember during this exercise, that everyone you are working on in this exercise was born an innocent young baby.  Something happened in their life, in their brains, that made them believe that they were so unworthy, that the only way they could feel good about themselves IN THAT MOMENT, was to do what they did.   

Also remembering that you are not condoning undesirable behaviour or making it okay that they did what they did, you are understanding it in order to enable YOU to let it go and feel peace within yourself.   

Forgiveness is about releasing YOU by understanding that what happened occurred because of the priority beliefs that were activated in that moment and accepting that we cannot control how life unfolds, or the behaviour of others, but we can change how we view this event with our own minds by using the reality thinking model.

Remember to use the Q&A Forum for any questions or issues you might be stuck on.  We’re here to help you.

week-six-day-seven-8211-exercise-day-forgiving-and-letting-go-parental-stress-centre
>