Trapped by fear – 5 tips to overcome fear and succeed at your 2014 goals

Happy Mum 35Jackie Hall  –  It’s a new year! Woohoo! I always love this time of year. It brings reflection on the year just gone, renewed hope and plans for the future.

It’s exactly what I love about a new day, the freshness of a new beginning.

I have big goals for the Parental Stress Centre this year. We want to be the leading centre for parental stress in Australia, meaning that everyone who needs help to feel better about themselves as a parent and learn how to feel calmer, more at peace and to cultivate strength in their relationships will know to come here to get that help.

I spent the last five months writing, creating books, webinars and content for this site with Real Mumma (my wise alter-ego) and now it’s time to let the world know that we exist.

Only that requires one thing….promotion! Suddenly I am trapped with fear coarsing through me at the thought of having to call people and convince them we can help parents (which we passionately believe we can).

FEAR is a predator that squashes our dreams and keeps us trapped in the complacency and safety of what is known. It is the reason why at the beginning of each new year we swear it will be different, only to find that this time the following year, NOTHING HAPPENED.

So how do we get past this black scary monster?

Here’s five tips Big Mumma suggessted to help us all make changes once and for all this year:

Tip #1:Know what you have to do

Often the biggest contributor to not succeeding with our goals is lack of knowledge. We live in an information era. There’s always someone out there who can teach you what you have to do and give you the exact steps required to get to where you want to go.

Seek out that mentor. Hunt them down. Study what they’re doing. If it’s parenting goals you want to achieve, educate yourself on how to change. If it’s career goals, what qualifications and experience do you need? If it’s a work from home business, how do you do that? What have others done to succeed in this area?

Tip #2: Feel the fear and do it anyway

In order to push past your boundaries, you need to push past your boundaries. It’s not going to happen by yourself. My fear is of the telephone so what I need to do is pick it up and start talking to people. Often we find that what we were really afraid of was nothing anyway.

Tip# 3: Know what it is you’re really afraid of and challenge that thinking

My fear of self-promotion centres around the fear that ‘people won’t like me’ or ‘people might reject me’. I need to remind myself that not everyone will like me or want to hear what I’ve got to say and that doesn’t mean anything bad about me. All it says is that their beliefs about life do not align with mine or their priority is not aligned with mine in that moment. That’s both okay and inevitable.

We so easily attach our self-worth to someone else’s opinion of ourselves but the reality is that someone’s opinion, is just that, their OPINION. It means diddly about you. It’s just a reflection of that person’s conditioning on how they view life. Everyone’s experiences are different, so it is inevitable that opinions are going to be different.

When we are stuck in fear we often look for what MIGHT go wrong and we avoid things because of a ‘what if’. But what if it DOESN’T go wrong? What if your experience ends up being the best thing that ever happened to you? The reality of life is that all of our events are linked. All the highs lead to lows and all the lows lead to highs. We can’t have one experience without the polar opposite of the other experience somewhere along our life’s time line.

Just remember that when that fear tries to take over and stop you in your tracks.

Tip #4: Don’t be afraid to fail

What is it with today’s society where we are taught to think that we should know everything there is to know about everything we ever want to pursue? When I put it like that it sounds ridiculous doesn’t it, yet that’s what we often expect from ourselves.

This week I was on the phone to someone who offered me some marketing training for free. He said he would listen in on my phone calls and give me tips. My body went into instant fear. “What, you mean actually put myself in a position of being judged and ridiculed!” Screamed my fears. “Like Hell.”

But that’s just one aspect of it. How do we know what to do until we experience what NOT to do. Here was an opportunity to learn and grow in my marketing abilities, but if I let fear get in the way because of a silly belief that I should know the answers to everything and that I cannot show people that I don’t know, then I don’t learn, I don’t get better and I DON’T ACHIEVE MY GOAL.

Failure is often the very thing we need to do to get what we want. Failure is not the end. Often it is just the beginning or the platform to launch from.

Tip #5: Be very clear about why you want your goal

When the fear of doing something new outweighs the pain or suffering of what you are currently doing, you will make changes and make it a priority to learn, grow and try new things.

Do whatever you have to do to keep your dream alive in your mind. Have pictures around you. Read stories about people who are making it in the area that you want to make it. Allow yourself to get excited about your goals and know EXACTLY what you are going for (and what you are happily going to leave behind).

Most goals come from a feeling of lack – you don’t have something in your life and the goal will fulfill that void. Remembering what you want to change is just as important as knowing what experience you are aiming for. BOTH of these extremes will fuel the fire that will give you the burning desire to make changes.

Every single one of these tips are what I personally need to do, right now, in my own life. The reality is that none of us are perfect. We each have our cross to bear and our lessons to learn. If you believe that you are worth any less because of your weaknesses, lack of knowledge or flaws, then that means we are all worth less, because you have just described every human being on the planet.

Even by writing this article I have realised that it’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to not know how to do something and feel trepidation about what I need to do to reach this year’s goals, but what’s not okay (by me) is to let them suffocate me to the point of paralysis.

I WILL go beyond. I WILL reach the other side. I will seek out mentors to teach me what I need to know. I will DO new things over and over again until I’m comfortable with doing them. I will keep learning from my mistakes and I will achieve my goals of being THE place for parents to come to for parental stress.

Because I have a passion, a burning desire and a vision to see parents in Australia believing in themselves and knowing exactly what they need to do to live happier, confident lives and to know how to naturally pass these abilities onto their children.

It won’t be easy to overcome my fears, but I am committing, right now, to doing it.

Last year I came across a fabulous quote that relates to anything:

“The difference between poor people and rich people is that poor people WANT to be rich. Rich people are committed to being rich.”

So what are you committed to? Or will this be another year where you are just going to allow yourself to keep wanting it?