Tag Archives for " motherhood "

My Breakdown (I was in tears writing this)

“Nobody knows…..nobody knows but me that I sometimes cry. If I could pretend that I’m asleep when my tears start to fall. I peek out from behind these walls…I think nobody knows…..nobody knows, no….”
Pink

Every day, I put on the facade. My friends didn’t know. My husband sometimes knew. And to everyone else, I was easy-going, happy, friendly and coping well with my two toddlers only 16 months apart. To everyone else, I loved being a mum and had it all under control.

But inside was a war zone – with myself.

It was an endless cycle of loving motherhood, hating motherhood, being tired, pissed off, flipping out in anger, feeling guilty and hating myself. I threw things, screamed, swore, then would see the scared looks on my toddlers’ faces and then fall to my knees in a heap, devastated at the mother I had become.

I felt like I was everything I swore I would never be as a parent and felt I was failing miserably.

But there was no way anyone was ever going to know that. I was the achiever. I got things right! I was SUPPOSED to be a good mother. How could I tell anyone that I had failed? How could I even admit that to myself?

So I sat there and suffered day in and day out until finally, after getting so angry, I slammed a knife on the bench so hard in anger, that it bounced off and narrowly missed my (then) two-year old’s head, I finally realised enough was enough. I had to change, so I dedicated my life to doing exactly that!

After retraining myself to completely change the way I felt about parenthood, I began to educate other parents that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you don’t have to go through this feeling alone.

You can turn all this around and I want to help you to do so. I don’t want anyone to feel the way that I did.

I want you to know that there are so many parents feeling the same way that you do, the way that I did, and I don’t want you to ever feel ashamed for what’s happening for you right now.

You are not a bad parent. You are a parent who just needs a shift in their mindset, an education in self-worth. A parent who is just receiving a wake-up call for their personal development.

On the other side of this you are a confident, happier, calmer and reality-focused parent who is able to share your new found wisdom with your children and help them avoid depression and anxiety in their futures.

This is, undoubtedly, the hidden good in all this. So when will it be time to learn how to change? Today. Don’t leave it any longer. You can do this.

Showing you the way…

Jackie

To find out how we can help you, head over to our Bring My Family Calm Program that will help you to turn it all around.

When Will It Be Time To Change?

“Meanwhile, life keeps moving forward. The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?”
Richard Carlson

Time is slipping away. How long are you going to leave it until you make a conscious effort to change how you feel about parenting?

One day, you’re going to wake up and they’ll have grown older. Perhaps you’ll reflect back on their younger days and wish you were calmer, happier, less stressed and that you seized the day and enjoyed them more.

Why wait to look back in despair? MAKE IT HAPPEN TODAY!

Be the parent you want to be today.

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

Is it just all too hard today?

Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.
Saadi

You wouldn’t just walk into a court room and start being a lawyer would you? So what makes you think you’re going to just have a baby and know how to parent?

The reality is that parenting comes with practice. You’ve never been a parent before? Or if you have, you’ve never been one to this child.

Cut yourself some slack. You won’t know everything all the time (sometimes none of the time). It’s all about practice and trial and error.

C’mon. You can do this. If you don’t know how, just ask or research. Not knowing doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It just means you don’t know yet.

Hoping you find your way…

Jackie

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again

I don’t want my child to remember me as a screamer

Parent: I have a lot of time alone with my 3 y/o son. I find I’m losing my temper faster when there’s no one else around. I try to be scream free and quickly forget. I don’t want him to remember me as a screaming mum. Can you help me?

Jackie Hall: Anger and anxiety are often very closely linked. Anxiety is all about control. We are trying to control life so it goes to my plan and prevent anything from jeopardising our goals.

ALL stress is a conflict between belief (what I’m thinking) and reality (what is actually happening) and what we perceive that event to mean about ourselves. In order to stop the anger we need to align with the reality of that moment and look at it from a reality based perspective.

With any aged child we need to expect as parents that life isn’t always going to go to plan. Our children are learning how to behave and especially at the age of three, they are not going to comply with what we are saying or doing at all times. They are busy integrating loads of information about life and forming physical neural connections in the brain that are helping them make sense in the world and sometimes they’re busy just trying to figure out what things are, let alone trying to align them with you wants and needs.

Check out this website www.raisingchildren.net.au to see what is happening in your child’s brain development and some strategies to handle the reality of this stage.

10 Tips to help reduce motherhood stress

Motherhood changes you physically, mentally, emotionally, morally and ethically. Once your child is born, your whole life is turned upside down and often this can bring with it self-criticism and feeling like motherhood is nothing like you’d planned.

Society teaches us that there are many ways to get parenting right and combined with our own expectations formed from our experience of our own parents and the hopes we have of our parenting abilities, often the pressure to be the ‘perfect’ mum takes its toll in the early years of becoming a mum.

Non-sleeping babies, breastfeeding issues, advice from others, feeling out of control and many other unexpected challenges makes us feel like we are doing it all wrong and perhaps makes us feel like we are terrible at this motherhood thing.

Well here are 10 tips will help you stay aligned with the reality and the bigger picture of being a mum, so that you don’t become overwhelmed and consumed by this stage of your life.

  • You have never been a mother to this child before and you cannot expect to know the ins and outs of this child’s behaviours, wants and needs. You must learn this over time and through trial and error.
  • Breastfeeding or not breastfeeding does not define you as a good or bad mother. You either can’t or you decide that you don’t want to, for whatever reason and this is just one small contribution to your child’s development. There are many babies raised to be healthy children on formula.
  • There is no set time that a child will sleep through the night. They need to learn this skill and the amount of time it takes does not reflect your abilities as a mum. It is simply something your child is learning to do. You cannot rush another person’s development and this goes for how long it takes them to walk, talk, run, or any other skill they learn throughout their entire lives.
  • Taking time out is a necessity. Every mother knows this, however the reason why she doesn’t take time out, is not because she doesn’t have time, it’s because she won’t make herself a priority. Make yourself a priority so that you can refresh yourself and gain some perspective from the situation. Taking time out doesn’t make you a failure as a mum. It makes you a smarter and more rational mum.
  • Know that this too shall pass. Whatever challenge you are encountering with your child, remember that this is just one small moment in yours and your child’s life and will soon pass.
  • Listen to the self-talk you have about the challenges that you are facing. Stress comes from how we perceive a situation, not the actual situation itself. Stop your mind from entering into conversations that conflict with the reality of the situation (eg I don’t want to do this, I’m sick of her not sleeping etc)
  • Look for the solutions to the challenges, rather than allowing your mind to get stuck in what is not happening.
  • Throughout your entire journey through motherhood, you will constantly be learning how to handle different and challenging situations. This is the reality of being a mum. Sometimes you will know what you are doing and sometimes you will have to source out different things to try. Challenges don’t mean that you are hopeless, they just mean that you have something to learn, and perhaps your child has something to learn too.
  • Often mums are expected to instinctively know what to do with their child. However you cannot know what you do not know in your mind. If you’ve never done something before, then the only way you learn how to do it, is to practice and try different ways of doing things. How do you know what to do unless you’ve learnt what not to do?
  • Finally, know that you are always doing the best that you know how to do. Life is about learning and growing and no one ever knows everything about everything. We are always adding to our development in life and you can only ever draw upon the current knowledge you have in order to make decisions and deal with situations. You are always being the best mother that you can be.

An unrealistic expectation of being the perfect mum and doing everything right (for fear of ruining your child’s life) will only cause you to feel stressed and overwhelmed. Understand the reality of life’s ups and downs and learn to find the value in those down times. What is this challenge teaching me about myself, about the situation and about life?

Motherhood challenges will happen. It’s not the challenge that will cause you to feel overwhelmed, it’s how you view the challenge with your mind. Change the way you think about these challenges, and you will change how you feel about them too.

Be gentle on yourself during these early days while you are learning the new skill of being a mum.

"It takes a village to raise a child"

The PSC's 'Bring My Family Calm' Membership invites you to that village

Never feel alone or stressed in your parenting again