to stop postnatal depression and motherhood stress”
Welcome to my site revealing my powerful 5-step Mind TRACK to Happiness process that is helping hundreds of mums recover from postnatal depression or motherhood stress.
I am a mum of two boys and a ‘real life’ coach who has put this life changing information together to reveal the exact process that I continually used to beat my own postnatal depression.
Have you been to endless psychologists and counsellors, rehashing your ‘story’ over and over again with little results? Have you read every self help or parenting book under the sun and felt really inspired, only to wonder just weeks (or days) down the track what you are supposed to do now?
Well this need not happen anymore and I am living proof of that! This process gives you a step-by-step approach to changing how you feel about challenging events.
Officially there is no real ‘cure’ for PND, yet people do get well. That is, they no longer have symptoms, require no medication and are living happy lives. This is RECOVERY.
Once you consistently apply this five step process over and over again to many different aspects of your life, you will not only experience motherhood with joy, but the rest of your life too. Most importantly though, you will know why you are always 100% worthy.
How good does that sound?
Feeling worthy and good about yourself rather than feeling like a failure all the time, not only feels good, it also means you have the knowledge to teach your kids about why they are always 100% worthy and help them to handle life’s challenges too without feeling bad about themselves.
And just to be completely honest with you, I am not sharing with you any “miracle cures” here. Everything I tell you has been tested on myself and other people who have all suffered from motherhood stress or postnatal depression.
This incredible information I’m about to share with you is based on:
The Five Step Mind TRACK to Happiness process
The Mind TRACK to Happiness process was designed to help myself and other mums change the way they think about the challenges and demands of parenting and alleviate stress in motherhood. It is the process used in my book – The Happy Mum Handbook which is the only comprehensive resource available that helps mums with the emotional challenges faced with being a mum.
We often think that it is the events that we experience in our lives that cause us stress. For example, our child not listening, our baby not sleeping, an argument with our partner, not enough time out, loss of identity etc. Although these events are contributors to our stress, it is actually what we are thinking about these events that make us feel stressed, angry, guilty or any other emotion that we may feel.
When we learn to change how we view an event, then we change how we feel about the event and the Mind TRACK to happiness process will teach you a simple and effective 5 step process that will help you view all of the challenges of motherhood differently. Apply these steps to your life and you can alleviate your own stress no matter what’s happening in your life.
The reality is that you will always have challenges that you need to deal with. In motherhood, your child will always be moving through developmental stages and with them come frustrating and demanding experiences for you, so in order to handle these difficult times without feeling stressed, depressed or anxious about them, you need to change the way you think about them.
This is where the Mind TRACK to Happiness process comes in to help:
I like to think of this process as similar to climbing a ladder. You are climbing out of the hole where stress, depression and anxiety live and up into a more solution focussed, empowering approach to handling the challenges of being a mum. The 5 steps on this ladder are formed from the acronym TRACK in the Mind TRACK to Happiness process and the very first step on this ladder is:
The thoughts step is the ‘story’ you tell yourself about the situation. This is what is actually causing you stress, not the situation itself.
Primarily from the age of 0-7 we are taught how to view the world around us. This view includes how we believe life ‘should’ go, what we need in order to survive and thrive, what our priorities are and what we have to live up to in order to be successful, valuable and worthy.
Right from the time we were born, we have been taught to judge – ourselves, our lives and other people and we look at events through these judgements. Our judgements come from our beliefs which have usually been set up through childhood. Consequently we have learnt to view our life through the beliefs we hold. Furthermore, we are constantly rating ourselves and our lives in accordance with these beliefs.
So when we experience life not going to plan, our brain accesses our beliefs and we start to form a story about that experience in our minds. Unless you have been taught to look at the glass half full, your mind will automatically start to see how wrong this situation is, what you are missing out on, how it should be different and how miserable your life is because of this situation.
Your thoughts are all in conflict with the reality that is going on, because you are only seeing this situation through the limitations of your current thinking.
Often we don’t really listen to that mind chatter going on, because we have learnt to tune it out, yet it still largely influences how we feel about the things we experience.
So the first step on this Mind TRACK to Happiness process is to identify what you are thinking about the situation so that you can change it. When you change how you think you will change how you feel.
You need to become aware of what you are thinking in order to move onto the next step of the Mind TRACK to Happiness process.
Hint: This step in itself can be incredibly insightful as once you start to observe what you are saying to yourself, it can become very apparent why you have been feeling so miserable.
By becoming aware of the thoughts you have about the situations you face you will see that it is your thoughts that are causing you stress, not the actual event. This actually makes a lot of sense, because this is the reason why different people have different reactions to the same events.
All thoughts are a conflict between belief (what I’m thinking about this situation) and reality (what’s actually going on). Aligning your thoughts with reality is what you need to do in order to stop feeling stressed or depressed about the situation. This means two things:
1. Accepting and acknowledging that what is happening right in front of you IS what is happening and any thoughts that are in conflict with that reality is only going to make you feel bad. What is happening right now is happening that way because of everything that happened leading up to that event and that cannot be changed. The only thing that can be changed is how you look at this reality.
Which brings us to the second part of this reality step:
2. How can I look at this situation in the bigger picture that is aligned with the bigger reality of life? How can I take this small consumed picture that I’m looking at and find a different way of looking at it?
You do this by understanding life’s ups and downs, being able to find the value in the situation (finding the hidden good in the bad), seeing that this event doesn’t mean anything about you and that it is simply a chance for you to learn something new and add to your reportoire of life knowledge. It is being able to see that you and your child are learning and growing and there is no set way to get life right.
It’s taking this small picture of the troublesome event and looking at it from a wiser more realistic perspective.
Now that you have aligned your thoughts with reality and are at a point where you can accept the situation exactly the way that it is with the ability to change your perspective on the situation, this doesn’t mean that you won’t still want to change the experience you are having.
If you have a child who is whingeing a lot, or a baby not sleeping, or you are aren’t getting enough time out, you will want those situations to change, so in this step we start to look at what you want.
Whenever we are feeling stressed, depressed or anxious, it is because our thoughts are aligned with what is going wrong, what we are missing out on and how it should be. Rather than putting our attention here (which only makes us feel bad), this step asks you to start putting your attention on what you want instead.
Start looking at what you would like to experience,constantly checking, of course that this aim is in alignment with reality. So if you are setting a goal for your child to stop whingeing, although you may be able to influence your child, you cannot control their behaviour, so you must be aware of this reality. The other reality of a goal like that is that your children are always going through developmental stages and the maturing process, so it is unavoidable that you will get undesirable behaviour sometimes. This is reality too.
Don’t think that just because you set an aim, that this is going to fix your life. It may improve conditions and it may accelerate your child’s learning, but you just have to be careful about what your expectations really are with this aim and whether they are in conflict with reality again.
Step Three of the Mind TRACK to Happiness process helps you to start moving your attention into a more solution focussed approach to life’s problems by asking yourself – What do I want? What am I going to do about this situation? Then setting an aim that is specific and in alignment with the reality of the circumstances
surrounding that situation.
Now that we have our attention on what we want, we now start to look at HOW we are going to meet that aim.
This is where we start to research and work out the ‘how’ of change. What choices/options and solutions do I have to consider that will get me where I want to be (your aim)? Whether you are working on yourself, working on a developmental challenge with your child, working on your relationship, working on improving your finances; whatever your aim was, now is the time to gather all of the information together that will enable you to implement the necessary steps to achieving your goal.
Sometimes in this step, you need to do some research into how other people are getting what you want. One of the most important lessons that I have gained in my life, is that if I want something, find someone who has done it successfully, study what they are doing and use this information in your own life.
If you are working on a behavioural issue with your child, go and find people who have experienced that issue and solved your problem, then try what they did. If you are a single mum who doesn’t get enough time out for yourself, then research how other single mums get time out. If you are working on a problem with your finances, surround yourself with information and success stories of other mums who have a rags to riches story, study what they did and start to do these things yourself.
This step is almost an inspiration step. When you begin to put your attention on how to get what you want and start locating the information that will teach you how, you start to get inspired with a ‘can do’ attitude. All of a sudden a way out of this situation looks a lot more hopeful from this perspective.
Once you have considered what all your options are, the next step is to create your action plan.
When we know what we need to do and have created the steps we need to take to get to our aim, life becomes a lot easier. What you have effectively done when you have reached this point, is you have armed yourself with information.
Knowledge is POWER!
You have empowered yourself by changing your viewpoint from a situation being a problem, to looking at the solution and planning your way out of it.
In this step you are documenting what steps you need to follow to get to your aim – the solution to your problem.
If you are teaching your child to sleep, your plan may entail the sleep technique you researched in step 3. If you are working on an issue with your marital partner, then at step three you might have discussed what the options are with your partner and you are now creating a plan together of how you can both meet each other’s needs and wants. If you are working on a time out issue for yourself, you may have to go and organise the additional daycare, occassional care or friend that you have discovered will help you to fulfill some time out.
Creating your action plan will help to remind you of what you are going for, rather than concentrating on what you lack and what you aren’t getting, which only sends you straight back down the ladder again.
The final piece of information that I would like to share with you, that was so important for me when I was going through this process, is that just because you have reached the top of this ladder for this one issue, it doesn’t mean your life is ‘fixed’. An important lesson to take with you is that we will always experience ups and downs, adversities and triumphs in our journey through life. This is the reality of life.
Adversities and down times are not a reflection of you being useless or hopeless, it is simply an indication that you have reached another learning period of your life and it’s time to seek the information you need to learn the skills required to change and implement the 5 steps of my Mind TRACK to Happiness process.
When you consistently start applying these 5 steps into all aspects of your life, you will be amazed at how differently you start to experience the ups and downs you encounter. When you start seeing all life’s events as valuable learning, you will cease rating events as good and bad. Instead, you will truly understand that there is a time for joy, a time for learning and a time to say goodbye to some of the limiting beliefs and behaviours that you have managed to adopt over time.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you for having postnatal depression. Your depression is simply an alarm bell letting you know that a change in your habitual thinking is needed because how you are viewing life and the beliefs about the expectations you hold, are no longer working for you. These beliefs need to be revisited and replaced with a new sense of reality so you are free to then think about what you want, research how to get it, surround yourself with information and people who will inspire you and help you to acheive what you want and start implementing those changes into your life.
Motherhood changes you physically, mentally, emotionally, morally and ethically. You cannot be the person you were before children, so it’s time to redesign the way you look at life and the way you live it. Implement these 5 steps whenever you come across a challenge in your life and you will be amazed at the changes that occur for you.
I hope you have found this information useful and that you feel confident in starting to use this process in your own unique situations, so you can stop doing stress, depression and anxiety, like I did.