Category Archives for "PPDR Blogs"

Stuff it! What’s the point?

 

Ever feel this way?  You try and try and try to do the ‘right’ thing, but you just end up failing….or at least that’s how you see it.

The danger in this language is that it is often associated with depression.

The belief system behind depression is when you have attached your self-worth to a particular identity you are ‘supposed’ to live up to or a way life was supposed to go. You keep trying to get your life ‘right’ in this way, but you wind up experiencing the opposite of what you want, leaving you feeling worthless, hopeless, useless or that life itself is of less value.

Repetition of this perspective in life, leads to you finding more and more evidence of it being true, which makes you feel even worse! What’s needed is a complete change in viewpoint about life, and more importantly a change in your viewpoint about self-worth.

Depression sufferers need to learn that life doesn’t always go to plan and that doesn’t mean anything about your self-worth – it’s just a part of life.

The reality is that we are all learning, growing, and experiencing highs and lows. Our lows are our learning points or our turning points. So what is this experience trying to teach you?

As soon as you stop reflecting on how worthless these events make you feel, and instead start focusing on what it’s teaching you or what you have to do next, you will start to feel better.

Learn an easier way….

 

Jackie

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Release your child self and release your postnatal depression

If you can imagine a little child anywhere between the age of zero to seven, and when you picture this child, look at how innocent they are, how naive and ignorant to the workings of the world. They don’t know how to understand many things and put their experiences into the correct context, the way adult logic often does.

Now imagine that little child is you. Put yourself back into your shoes as a child and remember the experiences that you went through and how you perceived them.

I recently discovered my child self in the form of a memory that appeared during a meditation. The memory came from a time when I was 17 years old and I was upset over a boy. I had broken a glass on the floor a few days earlier but had not cleaned it up yet. I remember bawling my eyes out crying over and over again:

“Nobody loves me! Nobody gives a s**t about me! No one would care if I disappeared off the face of the earth! I hate myself!” I remember holding a piece of that glass, hovering over my wrist and thinking the unthinkable. But thoughts of my mum’s devastation stopped me though.

As I remembered that day, those words seemed so familiar to me as I realised that that mental tape of nobody loving me, nobody caring about me and how useless, hopeless or how much of a failure I was used to endlessly roll around in my mind for most of my entire childhood. Somehow through some experiences throughout my life, I had adopted this belief and it had haunted me and underpinned anything that I did throughout my childhood and then it followed me into adulthood and re-invented itself in full force when I became a mother.

Every time life didn’t go the way I wanted it to this tape would play, further reinforcing these deep beliefs that I held inside my mind. Although I succeeded at most things (also a pattern from my childhood) and was able to control most of my life to go the way I wanted it to, I found that once I had children, I could no longer control these things. That is when I lapsed back into this repetitive destructive thinking, except this time it was also to the detriment of my children.

The first six months of my second son’s life was full of me being angry, guilty and feeling like the worst mother in the world and there came a time when this had to stop.

Although I dabbled in personal development and had always had a passion in this area, my person journey was only just beginning in this field and these thoughts, these intense emotions that rose to the surface from the depths of my childhood core paved the path to the most liberating knowledge that I’ve ever received and that which I now teach thousands of mothers in my Be the Change Program.

Where this thinking comes from though is outdated information about life. As a child you form beliefs about life.  You look for ways to feel good, worthy, valuable, loved and nurtured and you do whatever you need to in order to fulfill these needs.  You form identities, ways you feel you need to behave in the world in order to achieve these things and you take these identities with you into adulthood.

My identity was the smart, capable, likable one.  This child-self needed to have life going well and see evidence of me being this smart, capable and likable one in order for me to feel good about myself.  Whenever this did not occur then the self-criticism, the self-blame and the nasty tape would begin to play, sending me back into the pits of despair again.

It was imperative to this child’s survival that she keep trying to get her life right, in order to protect herself from pain. This little girl within me was the striver. She got things done. She was capable and intelligent and likable, but only when she got her own way. When she didn’t she became desperate to get back to feeling good enough, and this is when the anger would set in.

But she was tired.  She needed a rest.  She had spent so much time controlling her world (or at least trying to) and getting so emotional when she couldn’t, that something needed to shift. This little girl needed to take a break.

Once I found her within me, I began to release her and I did this by recognising when she had arisen.  I could feel her arrival in the way of me feeling tense about the need for life to go a certain way, when I needed to be seen as capable, having it all together, being organised all the time, and then feeling useless or wanting to give up when I couldn’t.

When I realised that this small child self was here, I would talk to her:

“It’s okay honey. You don’t need to be here anymore. You have done a wonderful job and I love how you get things done and achieve well, but you can have a rest now.  Go play.  Be that little girl that you wanted to be. Go play with your dolls and live the carefree life that you want to live. I love you and respect you, but I’ve got it from here.”

I would imagine her pushed to the side of my mind playing with her barbie doll while one of the angels stroked her hair as she chattered endlessly like excited little girls do.

This image in my mind of letting this little self go, puts me back at ease and I can begin to assess the situation with my adult mind again.  The one that now knows reality and has learnt how to look at a situation with perspective, can expand on the small picture out to the bigger picture and who doesn’t get consumed by what’s going on so much.

You see everyone lives with this small self within them, because that is what was set up when your brain was developing. Unless you begin to identify the thinking that was set up as a child, you unconsciously re-enact those same habits as an adult, and if you adopted incorrect beliefs about self-worth, were exposed to criticism, anger, nastiness, judgements or abuse of any kind as a child, then it is likely that your small self operates a lot more than you might think.

In some way this self is trying to protect you.  She is trying to comfort you, help you feel good enough, stop any pain from getting to you and going through this same control and prevent that my child self was, then perhaps if life doesn’t go to her plan and you do get exposed to life’s mishaps, perhaps she delves into feeling like a failure again, for this is what regularly happens with someone with depression.

It is so important to get in touch with this small self of yours, this identity that perceived life in her incorrect, naive little way, because she does need to step aside now. Find her good traits and how they’ve served you and respect and love her for those qualities, then release her from her duties now. Let her play and live carelessly. Give her a rest, because you have a new perspective now.  You are learning new information now.  And once you’ve released her, go about learning more about how to perceive life in alignment with reality and going for what you want, instead of living in fear of life going wrong and feeling hurt or useless again, like you felt when small self had taken over.

To some this post will make sense, to others, not so much. It’s an interesting exercise to grab yourself a journal and ask for your small self to step forward and say what she wants to. Let her release her fears and angers, her hurts over the past, and then ask her to step aside and let the wiser self inside you come forward to console, counsel, love her and set her free.

I did this in my mediation.  I cuddled her like I would my own daughter. I stroked her hair while she fell apart in that room as a 17 year old and I allowed her to cry all of those emotions that she had felt all those years. Those years of not feeling loved and not good enough and rejected and misunderstood.  I freed that small self from all that pent up hurt, and then I let her go and play, because it was my time to grow up, live life and adopt a new way to perceive life  with the mindset of a wiser, older person.

It was my time to finally feel free, because I am good enough. I am worthy. I am loved and I love myself. I deserve a happy life and now that small self is resting it’s time to enjoy life with clarity and real, true joy, the way life’s meant to be.

Podcast #2 – The Cause of your PND

I’ve had several questions on my Facebook page (Self Help for Postpartum Depression) about what the cause of postnatal depression is, how to stop it being hereditary and the difference between postnatal depression and general depression.

In this podcast I answer all three of these questions.

Podcast #1 – Postpartum Depression & Motherhood stress: It can be stopped.

 
Welcome to my first ever podcast.

Over the coming months I will be introducing you to The Postpartum Depression Recovery Program and giving you some practical tips and tricks for overcoming your postnatal depression or generalised motherhood stress.

My approach to stress and depression is quite different from other techniques that you may learn because I don’t encourage you to roll around in your past looking for the answers to what’s happening in your life right now.

Tools for change are what you need and this is what the Postpartum Depression Recovery program gives you.

I hope you enjoy our podcasts, and if you have any topics that you would like me to speak about, please feel free to email me at info@postnataldepressionrecovery.com

Please click below to start listening to Podcast #1 – Postpartum Depression & Motherhood stress: It can be stopped.

My Postpartum Depression Story – Miserable mum to parenting ‘expert’


As I reflect back on my life just three and a half years ago, I see a very different person to the one who is writing this post.

I am saddened as I recall ‘that day’ when I got so angry I slammed a knife on the bench so hard, it bounced off and narrowly missed my son’s head. Overcome with guilt and self-disgust, I ran to my bedroom screaming how much I HATED my life…all with my (then) six month old sitting on my hip.

It was not one of my proudest moments and it has not been easy to bring that story out in public, but little did I know of the value it would have for many, many mums out there feeling the same way.

What happened that day though, marked a dramatic shift in my life that completely changed the very core of who I was (thank goodness).

In the midst of that tantrum (as I call it), some very distinct words entered my mind. It said:

“No one else can change this for you. No one else can change the way you feel about your life. Only you can.”

As logical as these words were, suddenly they rang loud and clear in my mind and struck a very deep cord within me. In that small, painful, destructive moment, my whole world change I began to search for how to change the emotional turmoil I repetitively found myself in.

I realised that no fairy godmother was going to wave her magic wand and make me enjoy my life. It wasn’t going to change by itself. I was the ONLY one who could do anything about it, and I had decided right in that moment, that this was EXACTLY what I was going to do.

Suddenly a new lease on life had ignited within me and I began to devour whatever self-help information I could get my hands on. I began to search for self-help information specifically for mums and came up with nothing.

I thought, “I know I can’t be the only mum to feel like this”. So I began to write about what worked and what didn’t work as I applied it to my own life with a six month old and a 22month old, and the challenges that came with it.

I observed my own anger, guilt, self-criticism and reactions to the things that went ‘wrong’ in my life and started learning how to STOP the THINKING behind this behaviour and my emotions.

As I began to do this, I noticed that there were specific steps that I was taking each time I was stopping these emotions and negative thinking, and I formed them into my now well-known five-step “Mind TRACK to Happiness Process”.

This five step process was something that I could apply to ANY area of my life to change the way I felt about it.

After twelve months of learning, applying and writing, my family and I decided to sell up and travel around Australia for a year, and we ended up on a remote cattle station in the Kimberley’s Australia. (You know the Australia movie? Well the backdrop mountains, the Coburn Ranges was our back yard for six months).

When we finally moved on from there, we moved back to the Sunshine coast in Queensland and that is where I found and trained with The Anti-Depression Association of Australia as one of their REAL life coaches and course facilitators, helping people to understand and overcome their stress, depression and anxiety.

With their method that was clearly shifting people’s stress in an extremely profound way, had summed up everything that I had ever learned about self-help into a tight, easy to remember format that worked. It worked because people were able to help themselves. It completely aligned with what I wanted for mums: Self Help information for mums that helped them to help themselves.

Knowing there was no other information like this out there (that I had heard of anyway) and definitely nothing like this in the context of motherhood, I wrote The Happy Mum Handbook (you get a free e-book copy with your Be the Change Program). It quickly became an international seller.

I realised that mums really needed this information and they liked that they could personally relate to the journey that I had taken with my own postnatal depression and how I had moved myself out of it too.

I felt so passionate and determined to teach mums what I had learned and participate in the end of motherhood stress and postnatal depression/anxiety.

Because many mums struggled to find time to read the book, or were so bleary eyed and tired at the end of the day to comprehend what they had read, I decided that I would write The Postpartum Depression Recovery Program to take this information one step further.

Because I had read so many books on self-help, felt inspired and then at the end of a book was left wondering what I had to do next, I decided that I wanted the Be the Change Programto offer support to mums so that they could specifically ask questions about how the information taught applied to their own lives.

I also wanted to make this information more user friendly. Most mums are time-poor, so breaking each lesson up into 15-20 minute (maximum) lessons helped mums to remember and gradually apply this life-changing information into their lives.

Also, allowing mums to listen to the lessons, via audio and adding in a few videos to explain key points, meant that it also catered for different learning styles too.

Now there was absolutely no need for any mum to go through the pain and misery of postnatal stress, depression or anxiety, as I had.

So fast forward to today and it continues to be my mission to let as many mums as possible know about this resources that is changing lives.

You see what started as the most emotional, heartbreaking, painful time in my life, actually turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me, so let that be a lesson to you.

Not everything ‘bad’ actually ends up bad. Life can turn around in the blink of an eye, or in my case the bouncing of a knife.


Do you like what you’ve read? Are you ready to take ACTION and STOP your Postpartum Depression for good?

Find out about our Be the Change Program and become the happy,
care-free mum you always wanted to be.

Whose going to be responsible for stopping your postnatal depression?


Why is it that we are so quick to let other people dictate our life’s direction because we have put them on some pedestal?

We often do this with our schools, thinking that the ‘experts’ know what’s best for our children. We do this with our governments, police, councils, but most common of them all, we do this with the medical industry, believing that doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists know everything there is to know about our health.

But what we are really talking about here is a bunch of people who all hold beliefs about a certain field of interest. For sure they have knowledge, a lot of knowledge in this field. They have all had significant training and education, been exposed to lots of different clients, experience and information that is generally agreed upon amongst their colleagues and that definitely counts for a lot.

But is it the be-all and end-all of everything you need to know about your postnatal depression treatment? Are we just putting all our faith in the opinions of one or two people who have been exposed to, let’s face it, limited information?

If you were to clean your house, there would be a certain way that you would do it right? You may start with the messiest room in the house – tidy it, clean it, polish it, sweep and then mop it and then do that with each room of the house. Or perhaps you start at one end of the house and work your way to the other end. Why do you choose to clean the house one way and not another?

Probably because you’ve been exposed to a certain way of doing it and you have taken that on. That’s just the way you do things. Would you even consider doing it a different way? Would it enter your mind to search for a different way of doing it, or would you just do what generally works?

Because this is often what is happening as a doctor that is working with your treatment for overcoming postnatal depression. He/she is working off what they know and doing what they believe works the best.

This doesn’t make them wrong, because perhaps it does work for you and you are getting great results. However if you are not, then perhaps this particular health care provider just doesn’t have the information you need for your unique postnatal depression recovery.

Everybody is different so everybody will have different needs when it comes to recovering from postnatal depression. Perhaps there are many different avenues for you to explore and try simultaneously that will help with your recovery.

The point I’m trying to make here is that you need to become responsible for your own recovery. You have a vested interest in getting well and feeling happy and ‘normal’ again. YOU are the one who wants to enjoy motherhood, not your doctor or psychologist.

They are only doing the best they can and giving you the information and techniques that they know and can’t give you anymore than that. If it’s not working for you, don’t just settle for that. Keep looking, resourcing, trying and applying lots of different techniques to help you to overcome this illness, because along the way you are going to learn a lot about yourself that will benefit many different areas of your life.

My Be the Change Program is one of my postnatal depression treatment program that has worked for me personally and thousands of other mums who have learnt it. Perhaps it might help you too.

Doctors and psychologists are often the best place to start in finding out how to recover from postnatal depression and I’m certainly not telling you not to see them. I am simply stating that I believe many options need to be considered as part of your whole treatment plan for recovery and that you, as the sufferer, need to become personally active in your treatment plan and in your participation in your recovery. Take their advice on board, for they are experts in their field, however don’t take it on as the only advice there is for treating your postnatal depression.

As the age old saying goes, there are many ways to skin a cat. There are many ways to clean your house, and there are many ways for you to survive postnatal depression.

You are the captain of your ship, so navigate yourself to all the resources available for overcoming postnatal depression. When you’re armed with that information, decide for yourself which direction you believe you need to go and steer yourself into recovery.


Do you like what you’ve read? Are you ready to take ACTION and STOP your Postpartum Depression for good?

Find out about our Be the Change Program and become the happy, care-free mum you always wanted to be.

Feeling angry? guilty? overwhelmed? You are not alone…ever


I often get the opportunity to speak at mother’s groups and playgroups. I always tell of my story about my postnatal depression and how it led to the never ending cycle of anger, guilt, self-hatred and feeling like a bad mother. I always speak of the day that I nearly hit my child with a knife, how I completely fell apart and how I had that epiphany right in the middle of my breakdown.

When I’m finished telling my story I always ask mums, ‘Put your hand up if you can relate sometimes to feeling the way that I did.’

Do you know that I have never had a mum NOT put her hand up?

I even had a mother burst into tears by all the raised hands as she realised that she was not alone in her feelings.

You see it’s so easy to feel like you are alone on this journey through motherhood. For some reason it seems to be taboo amongst mums to be struggling and to feel any emotion that is not showered in lovey, dovey, warm and fuzziness for our children.

But, come on, I know that not every mother feels this way 24/7. Does anyone feel that way about anything 24/7? No way. Motherhood is tough and there are going to be days (sometimes a lot of days consequetively) where things are horrible. Your child is going to give you a hard time, go through stages and learning phases that are frustrating, and sometimes we are going to behave far from the parent we would like to be.

This happens to EVERY mum. Yes, even that calm, natural mum that we all know. She gets frustrated at times too. Perhaps it just doesn’t last very long for her because she has a mindset that ‘doesn’t take it personally’ and can see it as a temporary thing. Perhaps that calm, natural mum (in our opinion) just knows that this is only a small part of the mothering experience. Or perhaps that mum really is struggling, but has become very good at keeping up the facade of the calm, natural mum (gee, I had that down pat.)

The reality is that you are not alone. Every mum has days or moments where it all becomes too much and she feels like running away, or at least wishes she was somewhere else, not having to deal with what’s in front of her.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, then please don’t feel like you are a failure. Know that you are not alone and perhaps begin talking to a trusted friend who can understand and relate.

We need to start supporting each other as mums. I used to put up a facade and I now realise that this was not helpful to myself, nor was it helpful to other mums around me, as by feigning this ‘perfect mother’ identity, I participated in the continuation of the ‘perfect mother’ facade.

Now, this program and The Happy Mum Handbook is my attempt at showing mums, that it’s okay to feel the way you are sometimes. You are not an ogre if you get angry or make mistakes. All it means is that you have something to learn and new thinking to practice.

Motherhood can be the greatest personal development of your life. You just need to stop hating on yourself so much and start looking at different resources that will teach you how to do things differently.

Jackie Hall


Do you like what you’ve read? Are you ready to take ACTION and STOP your Postpartum Depression for good?

Find out about our Be the Change Program and become the happy, care-free mum you always wanted to be.

Events don’t cause postnatal depression


Today I’d like to introduce to you a different theory in regards to what causes postnatal depression.

Some of you will be familiar with this information, but some of you will not.  This is because so much information on the causes of postnatal depression, seems to be focused on the events going on in your life being the culprit;  the labour, the crying baby, the trouble with breastfeeding, lack of support, lost identity, lack of sleep, possibly a combination of all of the above – the list just keeps going on.

However, I don’t believe any of these things are the actual ’cause’ of postnatal depression.

Why do I say this?  Because if they were the cause, then everybody who came into contact with these ‘events’ would experience postnatal depression. But they don’t, do they?

So if it’s not the events that are the cause, what is it?

The answer is BELIEFS.  Everyone believes different things and interprets situations differently.

We all know that mother that seems to stay calm and unphased by the chaos that motherhood can bring.  What makes her so different? Do you think she is just better at motherhood than you?

Absolutely not! The only difference between this mother and yourself is simply how she thinks about motherhood and the events going on in her life. That’s it.

As children (primarily between the age of zero to seven) we are taught the kind of mindset we often keep throughout our adult lives.  We learnt this mindset off the people that we are around and the information we are exposed to during this time.

There is a very physical growth of neural connections forming physical pathways in the brain that become our habitual thinking during this age group and as we take this thinking into our lives, we interpret events with this same habitual thinking. You see life through a lens of this thinking, like you are wearing glasses.

If you’ve learnt to continually see how everything is wrong, how you are missing out, have learnt to blame, judge, criticise (either yourself or others), get angry, feel guilty or generally view yourself as being stupid, useless or a failure, then this is generally what you will find throughout your life and through the various events that occur in your life. These are the glasses you keep wearing.

Sure the reality is that events certainly trigger the beliefs that create postnatal depression, however events do not create postnatal depression. The beliefs are already there in your brain, quite literally.

I always say that you don’t have depression, you do postnatal depression.  You ‘have’ a cold, you ‘have’ diabetes, you don’t ‘have’ depression.  You ‘do’ depression because of the way you habitually view life and this can be changed.

In fact this is why I set up the Be the Change Program to begin with. I have been where you are right now, thinking that it was my whingeing 16 month old and my crying 6 month old and all the demands that were placed on me causing my stress, but I have learnt a different way to look at things and I now feel differently. The demands are still there, but the mindset has shifted.

By joining my 4 week program I will teach you how to change this mindset, just like I did so you no longer have to ‘do’ postnatal depression. Because there reality is that you will always have ups and downs that occur in your life.

Stress in not caused by events, it is caused by how you perceive these events.

Have a great evening/day everyone.

Jackie


Do you like what you’ve read? Are you ready to take ACTION and STOP your Postpartum Depression for good?

Find out about our Be the Change Program and become the happy, care-free mum you always wanted to be.

Welcome to Postpartum depression recovery blogs

 
Hi there

Welcome to Postpartum Depression Recovery.com

It is the intention of this website to offer you unique information on how you can overcome your postnatal depression using mind management techniques.

Having personally overcome postnatal depression myself, I would now like to share with you my insights into what I’ve learnt about postnatal depression treatments and how they have helped me to become the author of The Happy Mum Handbook, the creator of The Postpartum Depression Recovery Program, and a public speaker who helps thousands of mums overcome their own postnatal depression.

Please feel free to comment on any of my blogs, or send me an email on info@postnataldepressionrecovery.com with any questions that you may like me to answer.

I look forward to creating a great relationship with all you fantastic mums.

Lots of love

Jackie Hall

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