Category Archives for "Anger management"

What Are You Like To Live With?

Spinning back in time and I am observing me in the heat of arsenic hour when my kids were 2 and 3 years old.

They were whinging, clinging, the house was a mess, dishes everywhere, dinner trying to be cooked, I’m tired. I don’t want to be dealing with any of this. It’s been a long day and I’m hanging for my husband to come home to help take the load off.

Cue the telephone call from hubby.

“I’m going to be late.”  Those 5 dreaded words that no worn out stay-at-home parent wants to hear when they are so desperately needing a break.

“Oh, whatever then!” was my unappreciative, rude and short reply before I hung up in disgust, acting like he meant to be late from work. Like he didn’t give a damn about what I was going through. Doesn’t he know that I need help over here?!!!

Fast forward an hour or so and hubby walked through the door to a pissed off wife, a grunt as I handed over a child to be washed and as I continued to do the relentless amount of chores needing to be done.

What must it have been like to live with me back then? A nightmare! And my husband is not afraid to tell me so.

So today, I want you to think about what you are like to live with? If you work from home, or perhaps go to work during the day and at the end of the day you are tired, what is it like for the other people in your family to have to deal with you?

I want you to think about this because quite often, we look to others to blame them for how they are treating us and what they are doing to make us unhappy. But how often do we turn those pointed fingers back around to ourselves and see the part that we play in our relationships?

What if, today when you got home, or your partner gets home, you greet them with a smile, a ‘how was your day’, a “I really missed you today”  and a warmth that serves to mix things up a bit.

Make an effort and you might just find that those ‘feral’ times of the day, don’t have to be so feral.

Taking Responsibility,

Jackie

My Breakdown (I was in tears writing this)

“Nobody knows…..nobody knows but me that I sometimes cry. If I could pretend that I’m asleep when my tears start to fall. I peek out from behind these walls…I think nobody knows…..nobody knows, no….”
Pink

Every day, I put on the facade. My friends didn’t know. My husband sometimes knew. And to everyone else, I was easy-going, happy, friendly and coping well with my two toddlers only 16 months apart. To everyone else, I loved being a mum and had it all under control.

But inside was a war zone – with myself.

It was an endless cycle of loving motherhood, hating motherhood, being tired, pissed off, flipping out in anger, feeling guilty and hating myself. I threw things, screamed, swore, then would see the scared looks on my toddlers’ faces and then fall to my knees in a heap, devastated at the mother I had become.

I felt like I was everything I swore I would never be as a parent and felt I was failing miserably.

But there was no way anyone was ever going to know that. I was the achiever. I got things right! I was SUPPOSED to be a good mother. How could I tell anyone that I had failed? How could I even admit that to myself?

So I sat there and suffered day in and day out until finally, after getting so angry, I slammed a knife on the bench so hard in anger, that it bounced off and narrowly missed my (then) two-year old’s head, I finally realised enough was enough. I had to change, so I dedicated my life to doing exactly that!

After retraining myself to completely change the way I felt about parenthood, I began to educate other parents that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you don’t have to go through this feeling alone.

You can turn all this around and I want to help you to do so. I don’t want anyone to feel the way that I did.

I want you to know that there are so many parents feeling the same way that you do, the way that I did, and I don’t want you to ever feel ashamed for what’s happening for you right now.

You are not a bad parent. You are a parent who just needs a shift in their mindset, an education in self-worth. A parent who is just receiving a wake-up call for their personal development.

On the other side of this you are a confident, happier, calmer and reality-focused parent who is able to share your new found wisdom with your children and help them avoid depression and anxiety in their futures.

This is, undoubtedly, the hidden good in all this. So when will it be time to learn how to change? Today. Don’t leave it any longer. You can do this.

Showing you the way…

Jackie

To find out how we can help you, head over to our Bring My Family Calm Program that will help you to turn it all around.

I Stopped Myself From Having One Of ‘Those’ Mornings

This morning was one of those chaotic, can’t find anything, running late, have to get out the door on time, kids have the shits kind of morning. You know the ones. They can potentially lead to you having just as big a meltdown as the kids.

Except, instead of just getting over it, like the kids do, these mornings tend to leave you feeling really guilty all day because of how you treated your kids.

These are the types of thoughts that went on in my head to change the default thinking that usually sends me into anger.

  • This is just one of ‘those’ mornings. It’s not a reflection of the rest of my day (or my life).
  • The reality is that Ryan can’t find his shoes so I’m going to have to help him look for them. Now where could they be?
  • Jackie, stop! The reality is that Ryan (8yo) has woken up in a feral mood. Do you really think shouting at him and getting angry is going to get him out of it? Just give him a hug instead. Get out of the world of you and your ‘late-ness’ and focus on Ryan and what he needs from you right now. You know this is more likely to speed him up.
  • Seriously, how much later am I really going to be. Is it really going to matter if I’m 15 minutes late. Calm down. Take a step back and focus on what we need to do. The reality is, this morning didn’t go to plan.  It happens. Move on.
  • When I finally get out the door, these moments are going to be a thing of the past. It won’t even matter by this afternoon.
  • Change the picture! I know you wanted the dishes done before you left, but today, it’s just not going to happen. That’s okay. Life will go on and that doesn’t matter either.

Oh yes, I’m going to say it again:

 All stress is conflict between beliefs (what you’re thinking) and reality.

Notice your thoughts that send you into stress and anger and practice pulling your attention into alignment with reality by accepting what is in front of you, looking at it from the perspective of the bigger picture and get solution focused about it.

In the grand scheme of things, will it really matter in one year’s time?

Keeping it real…

Jackie

The story behind that angry mother you just judged

We’ve all encountered it. You watched her actions and listened to her cruel words and harsh behaviour towards her child. You felt her intense energy as she expressed herself and worst of all, you saw the effect it was having on her child – the sadness, the fear, and you worried she was stripping away more and more self-worth from that child with every angry word she spat.

 
A part of you may have identified with her anger for a brief second, but you quickly justified it by saying “I’m nowhere near THAT bad” even though silently you knew you were guilty of that level of anger at times (or had the potential to be that angry).

You watched all this and you judged. You looked at this woman and this one event, which is all you know of this stranger, and in an instant you rated her as a ‘bad mother’ or at best ‘a mother that was damaging her child’.

“How could she do that to her child?!” You asked yourself (or maybe commented to a friend).

But let’s step out of the world of judgement and self-righteousness for a moment and think about what’s happening for this woman.

What do think is going on behind that behaviour? How do you think this woman feels about herself or her life to be behaving this way?

What might have happened in this woman’s life to lead her to such intense pain, hurt and aggression about this current moment?

Think about your own actions for a minute. You know, those ones you wish you could take back? What was going on for you to behave the way you did?  Why didn’t you do the ‘right thing’ even though you knew you should?

How did you feel about yourself when you made a mistake or acted inappropriately?

This woman is no different to you or me.  Her actions do not define her as a person, they simply define how she feeling about her life in that moment.

Anger is never about the events, it is about how we perceive events and what we perceive them to mean about our self-worth or our quality of life.

This woman has a story and that story has resulted in her thinking and feeling a certain way about life that has caused her to behave in the way that you are seeing right now.

And if the truth be told (and I hear it over and over again in my line of work) there are many parents who feel exactly like this mother, but just keep it behind closed doors, appearing to be the pinnacle of perfection in public, but when no one’s looking, it all falls apart.  I myself, was guilty of that too.

However, perhaps this mother was never taught how to be a calm, happy, easy going parent.

Perhaps this mother is going through some big challenges that she just doesn’t know how to handle and it’s all getting on top of her.

Perhaps this mother doesn’t feel good enough, confident enough, feels out of control, doesn’t know how to parent the way she wants to, feels anxious about raising her child, is struggling to cope or has just plain had enough and can’t see any end in sight to the demands of being a parent.

There’s not a parent on this planet that cannot relate to any one of those feelings that I just mentioned above.

So if we all understand this story, why do we judge her so quickly and offer our disapproving looks to this woman who is clearly in pain?

There’s no doubt that a parent with anger issues is causing some sort of effect to her child and their beliefs about themselves and life, and if she is hurting her child, then we absolutely must do something to help the child be removed from that situation.

But wouldn’t an extended course of action be to help that child in the long term  by helping his mother?

But we live in a society that tends to want to ostracise, judge and criticise those who don’t fit the mould.  We exploit their behaviour, talk about it, spread gossip and create headlines about it (“you won’t believe what I saw this woman do today”), we post it on Facebook and we want nothing to do with them.

But what if our judgements and distasteful looks are just perpetuating the very beliefs this woman has about herself and her life and is actually fuelling the very behaviour you would like to see her change?

What if our reactions are just feeding her already incorrect beliefs about herself and how useless and out of control she feels, how she believes she is the shittiest mother in the world and to some extremes, even feels like her kids would be better off if she just left this world altogether?

What if this woman needs our love and support, not our scorn?

If we, as a society of parents ourselves, could truly see the pain and lack of knowledge going on behind that mum’s behaviour, would you want to hurt her further, or would you want to help her?

Instead of judging her, why don’t we help her, show her some kindness, be the breath of fresh air that shows her that she is important and she is worthy of being cared about?

Help her to feel good about herself, give her a break from the kids if you know her, give her a smile if you don’t.  Visualise yourself giving this woman a comforting hug and send some loving, calming energy and empathy her way, because you can relate to the frustrations of motherhood.

Imagine the effect it would have on stressed out mothers everywhere if we all adopted a community approach to loving, supporting and understanding each other as parents. Imagine the effect of a parenting community who helped each other through their challenges, whether that parent was our friend or not.

The bottom line to anger, is that if you see it in someone, or you are feeling high levels of it yourself (and everyone will have their own standards of what that is), this is not an indication that you are worth-less. This is an indication that the way you are perceiving life needs to change, and that you just need to learn the tools on how to do that.

No one ever wants to feel angry, nor do they want to take that anger out on anyone else, particularly those they love.

The problem is not the parent themselves. It is the lack of information on how to handle life any other way.  Often anger has just become a habit, a deep hole where logically they know they need to get out of, but they JUST…DON’T…KNOW…HOW.

The answer to anger management in parenthood is not ridicule and judgement, it’s education and support – information that helps parents understand the specific thinking that causes anger in the first place and a set of tools to help parents to change that thinking in the heat of the moment so that anger doesn’t even become the habitual reaction.

When angry as parents we are told to ‘walk away’ or ‘take time out’ but that’s just not enough!  That only serves to help us until the next situation triggers the same thoughts that causes the same reaction.

That’s exactly why we created The 28 Day Tame your Temper parenting Challenge.

As seen on Channel 7’s Sunrise, over 4,500 people have participated in this life changing online course that is transforming the way parents react to the challenges of parenting by learning how to identify and change the thinking that causes anger (see video below).

When parents display anger, this is not cause to judge and inflict further reasons for that parent to feel bad, it’s a responsibility to educate, help and support that parent.

By reading this article, it is my hope that next time you encounter a mother who is feeling overly frustrated and angry with her children, that you think about the human behind the behaviour and start to think about ways you can lift that parent up in some way….any way, that might be small, but may just make a massive difference to her life in ways that you may never realise.

It is my hope that you can see a little bit of yourself in her and can extend some compassion towards her instead of judgement.

We can all make a difference and it can all start with how you respond to situations just like this.

 

How can I stay calm when I’ve told them a million times!!

Parent: How do I remain calm when I’ve given the kids a direction/instruction and they don’t take it in and do it and you end up repeating it….Getting frustrated!!!

Jackie Hall: Anger comes from how we perceive the event, not the event itself.

It is when we are thinking that something should be different, but the reality is, it is not. All stress is a conflict between belief (what I’m thinking) and reality (what is actually happening). It can also be a form of control – a way to get someone to do what you want them to do.

The first thing to do is bring your attention back from your thinking of how it should be different and accept that what is happening IS happening. When you accept the current moment, just as it is, you’re going to free your attention up for finding solutions.

Secondly, the reality is that kids often don’t always follow directions straight away. This is often not due to disrespect, but due to the fact that, in that moment, they have another priority.

Try to figure out what that priority is and why it’s important to them and then try to think of a way to shift their priority so that they WANT to listen and follow the instruction.

What leverage can you use to entice them to CHOOSE TO follow your direction? You can either use punishment or reward, or simply shift their attention to what’s in it for them, depending on which way you want to go, but it doesn’t have to be a fight. They just need to know what the conditions are of their choices and then they get to make their own decisions (which hopefully align with the one you want them to make, lol).

I don’t want my child to remember me as a screamer

Parent: I have a lot of time alone with my 3 y/o son. I find I’m losing my temper faster when there’s no one else around. I try to be scream free and quickly forget. I don’t want him to remember me as a screaming mum. Can you help me?

Jackie Hall: Anger and anxiety are often very closely linked. Anxiety is all about control. We are trying to control life so it goes to my plan and prevent anything from jeopardising our goals.

ALL stress is a conflict between belief (what I’m thinking) and reality (what is actually happening) and what we perceive that event to mean about ourselves. In order to stop the anger we need to align with the reality of that moment and look at it from a reality based perspective.

With any aged child we need to expect as parents that life isn’t always going to go to plan. Our children are learning how to behave and especially at the age of three, they are not going to comply with what we are saying or doing at all times. They are busy integrating loads of information about life and forming physical neural connections in the brain that are helping them make sense in the world and sometimes they’re busy just trying to figure out what things are, let alone trying to align them with you wants and needs.

Check out this website www.raisingchildren.net.au to see what is happening in your child’s brain development and some strategies to handle the reality of this stage.

Change your thinking. It only takes a moment

When you exercise there are many times when you need to push yourself to actually do it, or to break your personal best and get fitter, faster or stronger.

You are sitting around on the couch watching that TV show, or laying in bed thinking of all the reasons why you should just stay there, or you are right in the middle of your workout, just about to give up, when your inner personal trainer pipes up and screams, “YOU CAN DO THIS! JUST 5 MORE MINUTES AND YOUR DONE”

All of a sudden you dig deep. You get up and and you JFDI (“Just freaking do it”)!

Well the same applies with your emotions.

The reason why we feel the way we do is a direct result of how we think. We think the way we do, only because of our habits. Those habits of thinking have been created through repetition and consistency over time, just like your bad eating habits, or your fitness levels (or perhaps lack thereof).

The only way to change something, is to change it.

But you’ve got to dig deep. You’ve got to stay consistent and repetitive with perceiving life in a positive manner.

Just like exercising, you’ve got to overcome those excuses and seemingly perfect justifications for why life isn’t going right for you and you’ve got to keep charging towards your goals and finding solutions to how to get them.

It doesn’t matter what age the kids are at, what support you have (or don’t have), how much money you have or what your circumstances are. There is ALWAYS a way to pursue what you want in this life and our mindset is the first place to start when trying to achieve these things.

All you need to do is push yourself to find a different perspective.
* Find the value in the unwanted event instead of what you’re missing out on.
* See how this event is linked to a bigger picture.
* See this how this event is a necessary part of yours or your child’s development.
* USE this unwanted event as a platform to educate yourself on how to shape or change your life
* Learn something from it that takes you closer to your goal.

Whenever your mind pipes up with excuses, you’ve got to stay vigilent about recognising your negative self-talk and bring out your inner mindset PT and JFDI – get up, do something that gets you closer to your goals and put those excuses to rest because…

YOU CAN DO THIS! JUST 5 LITTLE SECONDS AND IT’S DONE!

That’s all it takes (if that) to change your mindset in each moment and if you do that over and over again, over many different moments, all of a sudden you realise that you are doing it….by habit!

You’ve just got to keep pushing yourself to do it and your ‘training’ will produce positive results. Over time, you will realise that you are mentally fitter than you’ve ever been and a lot happier too.

Need help to change that mindset? Check out our Resources page for loads of different products that can teach you not to get sucked into that negative headspace that makes you stressed or anxious.

My kids are really annoying me today

 
What you learn through our Parental Stress Centre Programs are the tools to begin understanding your emotions – why you feel the way you feel in the context of parenthood. Furthermore, you will learn what you can do with this understanding so that you can change your emotions.
What you’ll learn here is exactly what I have to do everyday in my own life too. I am no perfect mummy that’s for sure because life’s not about being perfect. It’s about experiencing life and learning from ALL our experiences. There is no right and wrong way to parent and we are ALL learning from our experiences as a parent as well as everything else in life.
So, with that said, I have found myself of late getting more and more frustrated with my kids for seemingly minor and understandably (due to their age) childish things and although I tried to logically ‘upgrade’ my stressful thinking, just like I teach in my products, this seemed to be providing me little relief from my emotions. It was time to get to the bottom of what was really happening for me.
I decided to treat myself as I would a client who I was coaching and split my attention into the me that was feeling the frustration and anger and the ‘wiser’ me who was objectively looking at the situation.
Here is the outcome of this exercise – one I hope you will also benefit from to help you challenging your thinking too. So here goes. FYI – The WISE ME’s comments are in purple so you can differentiate between the stressed me and the wiser me:
I mean really, what is it that is so annoying to you? Why is it that every time they do something that is unexpected or isn’t the way you like it, do you react or feel annoyed, frustrated or have those feelings balloon into anger?
Tell me your story?
Because they’re all over me. They interrupt me all the time. They’re loud. I’m tired. I want it quiet. I want to be able to just do what I want to do without that interruption. I want to be left alone to do what I need to do.
Okay, so tell me, is this realistic to want these things when you are a mother?
No, I know that. I know they’re just being kids and that they’re going to be noisy, they’re going to drop things, make a mess, have different priorities that cause them to make decisions that I don’t like.
So what’s the problem?
Because I don’t like it.
No one said you have to like it. All stress is a conflict between belief and reality, so to release yourself from stress, you need to align yourself with reality. You don’t have to like reality, but you do need to accept it if you want to feel peaceful.
But I can’t.
Then you can’t feel better then.
But I want to.
Then you have to change your thinking.
Yeah, but how?
Well, what is it that you really don’t like about what they’re doing?
Hmmm, Well it usually happens when I’m in the middle of something. I’m either deep in thought or I’m trying to get something done by a certain amount of time. Then they interrupt me.
So, what do you perceive that means when they interrupt you?
Well, That they’ve interrupted me.
So your children are an interruption to your life?
OMG, I think I actually believe that. What sort of mother am I?
Okay, don’t go bashing yourself now. You’ve identified the belief. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, so now that you’ve acknowledged you hold that belief, it’s time to change it so you can view the situation differently. It doesn’t make you a bad mother to believe it, it just makes you a human with an incorrect belief that has been adopted somewhere along the line through your experiences. Now you need to change it.
But how do I do that?
Well, I think we need more information. What is it that you feel like they’re interrupting specifically?
What I’m doing?
And why is what you’re doing so important?
I don’t know, because I want it done at that time, I guess, or I want it to be my way?
Is that realistic? Does life always go the way we want it to go?
No.
So does that mean only when life goes your way it can be valuable?
No.
So why do you rate your child interrupting you as making your life less valuable?
Well, it’s not that I say that specifically….
But that’s what you ARE saying. You are saying that your children interrupt your life.
That sounds so harsh, coz I don’t actually feel that way all the time. I don’t want to be that kind of mother.
You are not ‘that kind of mother’, but you are a mother who is thinking that way in these moments, so you need to change your perception of the situation. Are they actually interrupting your life?
No, they’re just interrupting that moment.
And is that moment really important in the grand scheme of things?
No. It’s just a moment in time.
Good, now we’re getting somewhere. 
Okay, OMG here they come. I can hear them. I can feel the tension welling up in my body. I’m expecting them to interrupt me from this.
And would this be detrimental to your life? Is what you’re doing right now really that important?
No, but I want to say yes because I really want to get this blog out for people to learn from?
So you’re saying that other people’s learning is more important (a priority) then what you’re kids need to say.
Oh my, I’m starting to feel a little emotional, because I think you’re onto something. I think I’ve been putting my career before my job as a mum.
But why is what I want to know?
Because I feel good when I’m teaching people self-help?
So do you not feel good about teaching your kids and influencing their life? Aren’t they learning from you too?
Yeah, I guess. But I suppose that I don’t get the feedback I do from them?
So you need validation of your goodness to feel good about yourself do you?
Well I didn’t think so, but obviously I must feel that way. I thought I’d dealt with all that.
We all incorrectly attach our self-worth to various things. Don’t feel bad. The important thing is to identify it and change your perception, as I keep saying.
So, okay, I know that true self-worth is always 100% (taught in most Parental Stress Centre products) and that I don’t need to attach my self-worth to anything. So in any given situation my life is valuable as it is.
That’s right. Can anything really ‘interrupt’ your life?
No, just because what I’m DOING is interrupted, or what I’m THINKING is interrupted, it doesn’t mean my life is any less valuable. All of the experiences on my journey are valuable and beneficial to my growth. This example perfectly illustrates this. My annoyance/anger/ frustration with the kids has taught me to look at what was really going on. My emotions are indicators of what I believe and can serve as alarm bells to incorrect thinking.
My life is never ‘interrupted’. It just is. I won’t always get what I want.  The kids will sometimes get loud, fight, argue, disobey, make a mess and sometimes they will happily play, just like they have been while I’ve written this.
If they come and interrupt me, it’s just another experience I’m having, not right or wrong. Just is. There is no place my life needs to be to make it more worthy than where it already is. My life is 100% valuable right now and in every moment.
When I really look at the situation, I want it to be my priority to help my kids with their life. That’s why I signed up for motherhood in the first place, so I could have kids a part of my life.
I can’t believe I was actually thinking that they were interrupting my life. I guess I’ve just been so focused on my career and getting validation for what I do, but that’s not where I want the important moments to be in my life.
Geez with this realisation, I can really see how different this will make to how I approach these situations. I know I won’t be perfectly serene every time they fight or yell or get the house messy, but I know what’s going on now when I do get annoyed, so I just need to become aware of this habit of thinking again and remind myself of how important my kids are to me and my life and how my self-worth is not hinged on ANY activity or experience I have. I need to remember that what they are doing just forms another experience in my life.
Finally, I need to remind myself that life is valuable just as it is, not when I get this ‘thing’ finished in my life.
Wow, what a completely different perspective.

Tired, overwhelmed and ready to bite your head off

I look around this house and it’s messy…..again.  I spent hours cleaning, folding washing and feeling organised on the weekend only to turn around and find it messy again.  In fact yesterday I cleaned up again, but you wouldn’t know it today.

There’s popcorn, paper, clothes and towels all over the floor and dishes to be done (I just spent 40 minutes doing them last night, how did they all get dirty again?).  I have bed wetting washing to do…..again (when will that ever end).   I really don’t want to do any of it and am feeling quite overwhelmed by the constant chores that seem to invade my life.

I can feel the annoyance kicking in and these feelings simmer within me as I attempt to clean it up and are continually met by extra demands of the boys.  I am desperately trying to stay calm and not take my annoyance out on the kids, but I feel my attempts becoming very strained.  This anger and annoyance is sitting in my throat, just waiting to escape by way of yelling, slamming something down, or simply falling apart momentarily.

I’m hormonal (that’s not helping), I’m annoyed, I couldn’t be bothered and all I want to do is sit down with a cup of tea and watch a movie in the comfort of a nice clean house and no interruptions.

So what do I do?

Firstly, stop.  Right now, stop in my tracks, take a few deep breaths and reflect on what I’ve been thinking.  Look at this opening paragraph.  It is full of conversation that is in conflict with the reality of what is presently going on and the reality of life as a parent.

It is this resistance of reality that is causing my stress and the simmering emotion of anger.  Anger is caused because we enter into these conversations in our minds about how something shouldn’t be the way it is.  We are in conflict between what is and what we believe it ‘should’ be.

The house is messy right now!  This is reality.   As part of the agreement made between me and my partner and how we share the workload, I am responsible for the upkeep of the house.  This is reality.  The kids need me to help them with things.  This is reality.  As a mum there are lots of tasks I need to do.  This is reality.  This is not the only part of my life.  It is just part of the goods and bads that come with everything in life.  That is also reality.

There is no point allowing myself to enter into conversations in my mind about how it should be different to the way it is and how I don’t want to do it, because this is only going to cause me to feel angry and resentful.

Do I really want to feel angry or resentful? Do I enjoy having these feeling?

Of course not.  So if the reality is that you have to do the housework and are regularly interrupted, how are you going to stop feeling angry or resentful?

Change the way I think about it.

The first thing we need to do when we start to notice how bad we feel, is to shift your focus from what isn’t happening, to the reality of the situation, and then on to what you’re going to do about this new reality.

So how can I look at this situation differently?  What are the good aspects to my life that I can focus on?  I get to work from home.  I have a husband who doesn’t care about a bit of mess here and there and doesn’t pressure me to keep it pristine clean.  I have two healthy, happy boys.  I am grateful that I even have so many things that it can make a house messy.  I have a roof over my head.

This is good.  I can feel that heavy feeling in my body starting to lift.

This part of my life is not the only part of my life.  I went to the movies the other night, I met up with friends for coffee,  I had a bath the other night and relaxed, last night the kids were in bed early and I got to watch Masterchef and the biggest loser finale, sometimes my house is clean, sometimes I am up to date with the washing, I get quiet time three days a week when the kids are at school/daycare and I work from home.

So what am I now going to do?

Well because I changed my thinking to being back in alignment with reality and have consciously decided to look at the situation from a different more expanded perspective, I am now ready to tackle the reality of the messy house again.

Do I like it?  No.  Am I going to all of a sudden love doing housework and chores?  No.  But I’m not feeling angry and overwhelmed by it and if I start to again, I need to repeat what I’ve done above, because it is NEVER the events in your life that cause you stress, it’s because you get sucked into that conversation that is in conflict with reality and only focus on the small picture.

When you get into the practice of recognising those thoughts, changing them to be in alignment with reality and expanding your mindset to seeing this situation in the context of the bigger picture of your life (this situation is not the be all and end all of life – it is part of the ups AND downs of it –  then you stop your negative emotions from escalating to breaking point.

Now, time to stop writing and start cleaning!

Depression, sadness and anger can be a blessing

On Saturday my eldest son will turn six.  It seems like just yesterday he was born. the years have gone so fast. Yet in my memory I still vividly remember how I felt those sad, angry days in his early years when I thought I was the worst mum in the world and that I was always ‘stuffing him or his brother up’ in one way or another.

I felt like those long days with the kids changing nappies, cleaning the house and being bored out of my brain would never end.  I thought that my life had no purpose, no meaning and no direction, and that I was just existing from day to day in order to do everything for everyone else.

Although this is where I was at then, it is not how my life continued.  In fact being in that sad and angry place was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it took me to the place I am now and to what I am now doing with my life.

Without those moments, I would never have written books and programs to help other parents to stop their parental stress.  Without those moments I would never have learnt the information that teaches me to be a happy mum and teaches my kids the realistic version of how to be happy.  Without these moments, I would not meet and speak with many other inspirational parents like I do.

You see every moment in life leads to the next one.  Sometimes it may feel like your challenges are never going to end, but believe me they do.  Everything rises and passes away!  Whatever is going on in your life is a stepping stone.  Whether you are doing well in life right now or going through the hardest thing you have ever had to face, it is always temporary and eventually moves on to something else.

We don’t have to know how life will unfold, nor do we need to get it to unfold to our desires all the time.  We can’t possibly know what is going to happen next in our lives and will never know what good is going to follow our current bad.

There were times when I wanted to run away from how hard I found being a new mother with two young boys, but imagine if I did what I would be missing out on right now.

I am an author, a public speaker and a happy mum of two healthy and happy boys whom I can now help to learn to look at life in a healthy way and to be there to lift them when they feel in a similar way to how I had felt.  Because I’ve been there, I can teach them with conviction how to move themselves through those times quicker.

That time of my life where I was sad and angry all the time, propelled me to another level of my life that has now marked the beginning of something truly inspirational.  Your life can be this way too.

Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of believing that whatever is happening for you define’s your entire existence.  Never give up on believing you are important to this world.  If you don’t know why you are important to the world, then that doesn’t mean you aren’t. You just need to learn how to search for that evidence.

We each play a special role in life that is always giving something to someone we are in contact with.  We do this through existing.  You speak to others, participate in group activities, love others, live with others and leave with them a part of who you are JUST BY BEING ALIVE.  They learn from you and you form a part of how their life unfolds.

You are important now!  And always will be.

If you’re feeling low about your life right now and that ‘this is it’ for you.  Stop and imagine what uncrossed roads may be ahead of you.  You don’t know what amazing adventures are in store for you and you don’t know that what you are going through right now may end up being the very thing you need to occur in order for you to live a more amazing life than you have ever dreamed of living!!

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity”
Albert Einstein
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