I was irritated, resentful, tired and overwhelmed. My life had become like groundhog day – getting up at the crack of dawn, dealing with tantrums from my 16month old, crying from my six month old, nappies, housework, laundry and isolation from all of the things that I had once enjoyed before kids.
On a bad day, my anger led to outrages in front of my children, where I would yell and scream and throw things around, until I would notice the look on their little faces and was literally brought to my knees in tears with guilt and self-hatred over my behaviour and how bad a mother I was.
But one day something happened that sent me on a mission to find help for my postnatal depresion, and it changed my life forever.
During an angry outrage over my eldest child’s whinging, I slammed a knife on the bench so hard it bounced off and narrowly missed his head.
Completely shocked, I fell apart. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I ran to my room, screaming ‘I HATE MY LIFE’, all with my six month old still on my hip.
My husband came in and took him from me and gave me some space to have my breakdown alone. I felt broken. At my lowest. “Who does this?” I thought. “What sort of mother am I?”
And then, something strange happened. Right in the middle of that breakdown, in the middle of my tears came a very clear voice in my head. It said:
Get relief from the pain of postnatal depression with just five simple, but powerful steps.
Hi, my name is Jackie Hall – mum, parenting coach and author of The Happy Mum Handbook.
I have sat where you are right now. I have personally felt the daily pain of feeling like a failure as a mum. I have felt like I was doing it all wrong and that, perhaps I didn’t deserve to be my child’s mother.
I have ridden that roller coaster ride of loving motherhood one minute, hating it the next and in between that, continuing the vicious cycle of anger, self-criticism, guilt and feeling like the worst mother in the world.
I realised, no one else could change this for me. No fairy godmother was going to come along and wave her magic wand and suddenly make me happy. So who else was going to change how I felt?
The answer was me. I was the only one capable of changing my feelings. Not my child, not my husband, not my circumstances. Just me.
So that is exactly what I did.
I researched, I read and I applied lots of different strategies into my life.
I found a way to stop the anger, stop the guilt and stop feeling like a failure every time I made a mistake. Everyday I got better and I got stronger.
I got over my postnatal depression and became a happy mum who enjoyed her kids and who had learnt a healthy way to look at the ups and downs of being a mum.
Would you like to know what I did to stop my postnatal depression?
Because I would like to share this information with you. I don’t want you to feel like I did. I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t good enough to be your child’s mother.
I want you to know that there is something that you can do about your stress or your depression and I am living proof of that.
Click here to find out the easy-to-remember five step process that I used (and still use today) to stop those relentless feelings of failure that come with postnatal depression.